Moving Hank to His Own Room: Sleep Journey
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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well
Wow, what a whirlwind of a week I've had with Hank's. Sleep in a great way. Really. I mean, there were ups, there were downs, and definitely ending the week on and up. I'm feeling really good and happy and he's doing amazing. So let me give you the update.
I will let you know what's been going on with Hank in the last week, and then I will also talk a little bit about moving your baby to their own room, because that's something spoiler alert that I experienced in this last week. We'll talk about when is the right time to do it, what are the signs to look for and how to go about that process.
So let me just share a little bit about how I ended up putting Hank in his own [00:01:00] room. If you do not follow on Instagram, . Here's what happened, and if you do follow on Instagram, feel free to skip over this part.
So, as you know by now, I am about two weeks into sleep training with Hank. He is 18 weeks old now tomorrow.
Andy's been doing so, so well at putting himself to sleep by day one. He was able to put himself to sleep at nap time really easily, and then I started bedtime a couple days later
and he was handling it really well.
As time went on and he got more and more used to putting himself to sleep on his own in a room without me in there, all of the sudden nighttimes were starting to fall apart a little bit. We were still room sharing. So I have a pack and play in my room, and he was sleeping in there.
But it seemed to me that as we got about a week into sleep training, when he would wake up in the middle of the night and I would give him a feed, it became really, really hard to get him back to [00:02:00] sleep in his pack and play when I was laying next to him, basically in my own bed when I was in the same room as him.
He was having a really hard time going back to sleep in his own bed. So he would go down easily at bedtime and he would sleep pretty well, you know, at least until midnight or one or two. And then I would give him a feed and try and get him back in his bed, and he would just cry and cry and cry. I would even try and rock him fully to sleep and put him back in his bed, and he would wake up shortly after.
Crying again, and basically for a few nights in a row I resorted to just bringing him into my bed after his first night feed because it's the only way I could get us to go all back to sleep. Right. It just was the way I survived and the moment I pulled him into my bed, he would go to sleep and sleep the rest of the night.
Great.
So I decided like this can't work for me. And maybe he would do better in his own room because I wouldn't be in the same room as him as he was going back [00:03:00] to sleep after his night feed.
So one night I decided, okay, I'm gonna try him in his room tonight. I put him to bed in his own room, he went down great per usual, and I put all the other kids down to bed and got in my room and my husband and I turned on a new show to watch. And we really, really excited to have our space back. And I was instantly really, really sad about this transition.
Things are a lot harder, when it's your last baby, right? Or as far as I know, it's my last baby. And every time that we sort of.
Graduate from a phase feels so final, it feels like, wow, I'm never going to have that moment again. So. Things are exciting and there's new chapters that are going to be starting, but it's really sad because a lot of chapters are closing for good. So instantly I was really sad and right away sort of regretted it like, oh my gosh, why am I trying to [00:04:00] fast forward through this phase of room sharing when I'm never going to get this back ever again?
And this is my last baby. And he feels so young and. Gosh, I just sort of went through all of those motions that you probably go through with any sort of transition with your child off to kindergarten, you know, weaning from breastfeeding, whatever it is. Uh, it's that same sort of feeling. And so I decided I'll let him sleep, but when he wakes up in the middle of the night, I think I have to just bring him back into my room.
Maybe I'm just not emotionally ready for this yet. So he slept really great. He slept till like two in the morning, and at that point I fed him and brought him back in my room, and of course I could not get him back to sleep in his pack and play. I tried over and over again. I'm trying to be as silent as possible.
I'm hiding in my bed, but he just knows I'm in there and he knows where he is and. After that, like 2:00 AM feed, he wouldn't go to sleep until he was in my bed with me. So I did that and the next day woke up like, [00:05:00] okay, well clearly I wasn't ready for him to be in his own room, but this isn't working 'cause I really can't go down this slippery slope of co-sleeping
So the next day I thought, okay, well clearly I need to bring him back into my room tonight and just stick with that. But I need to be stronger, right? I need to not bring him in my bed in the middle of the night. I need to figure out how to get him back to sleep in his own bed. So. I put him to bed, you know, probably 7, 7 15 that night I try and slip into bed at maybe eight 30 or so, and of course he wakes up right away.
He's just very easily woken up now at this age. And of course, I'm hiding under the covers. I'm trying to make it seem like I'm not in there, but once again, he just knows he won't stop crying. I have to pick him up, rock him back to sleep. I did get him back to sleep in his own bed, but a few hours later he woke up again, so I ended up feeding him.
Trying to get him back into his own bed and once again, he was not having [00:06:00] it. So then, you know, it's only midnight, maybe 1230, and I'm pulling him to my bed again just to survive the rest of the night.
I really, really didn't want to go down that road. I've been down that path before. It can be a really slippery slope when it comes to transitioning into co-sleeping. It can start with, you know, one in the morning, them coming into your bed, and I've found with my other babies when I've done this.
If I keep that up for a few nights in a row, it can become earlier and earlier. They're needing to come into my bed. And then eventually I realized that even bedtime, I'm barely getting any time I put them down and 30 minutes, 45 minutes later, I. They're crying and I need to go lay with them in my bed. I have been there with my other babies and I did not want to get there with Hank because that really doesn't feel sustainable for me, and I know what it did to my mental health and
the resentment that it sort of built when I did do this with my other kids.
So I went [00:07:00] back and forth a couple days. He had one night in his room. He came one night back in my room, and then I really super realized that this is not sustainable for me.
I need to be able to have my evenings and I need to be able to have some solid sleep. And I really, really need my morning routine, my mental and physical health like. Really relies on at least an hour to myself in the mornings before the kids wake up. And this was becoming impossible with Hank in my room because any little movement woke him up and me slipping out of the room was starting to make him wake up earlier and earlier, and I just wasn't able to get that time in anymore.
He was just getting older and more aware of his surroundings and it was getting much harder than it was when he was, you know, six weeks old and I could slip out easily.
So that next day I woke up with sort of a new resolve, like, I really cannot go down this path again. I just can't.
So I decided tonight is truly the night I'm going to [00:08:00] put him into his room. He's going to sleep in his bed all night long and this is what we're doing because this isn't going to be sustainable for me. And if I keep this up, we're going to, you know, end up needing a lot more co-sleeping, a lot more, wake up, a lot more feeds, a lot more crying, all of that.
So now we're on night three of this sort of saga. I put him to bed back in his room. I know this is like the rollercoaster I went on over the weekend. He slept amazing. He slept straight until one in the morning. I fed him, got him back down in his crib. He went down a lot easier. There was a little bit of fussing.
I had to check on him once, but he went down so much easier by himself in his room, and then he slept until like I had to go and wake him up around seven 20 that morning. So not only did we both sleep. So much better in our own spaces. I was able to get up early, do my little morning routine. I meditate, I journal, I work out.
I took a shower. I got dressed. I packed the kids' lunches like I was able [00:09:00] to do all of this stuff that just filled my cup and helped me feel so much more ready for my day and such a better mom throughout the day. And I just knew right away like, this is what we have to do. And I was really not as sad on that.
Second time I tried him in his own room 'cause I kind of went through that grieving process that first night that I tried. So of course it's definitely bittersweet. It's definitely sad. But when things are falling into place and he's sleeping better and I'm sleeping better and I'm giving that time for myself again, like it's just,
it's exciting and while it's bittersweet and sad to close a chapter, it's really hopeful to open this next chapter as well. So that's just a little bit about my story about moving Hank into his own room. He's been doing really great with that,
and it's been lovely. So when I wanna talk about when it is a good time to move your baby into their own room and kind of the signs to look for, to figure out if it's right for you and your baby. And then a few tips [00:10:00] on how to make this transition as seamless as possible.
So let's start with something important. The A A P recommends that you room share for the first six to 12 months of your baby's life. Now, room share is not the same as bed share, so they don't recommend sleeping on the same sleep surface. But they do recommend your baby being in your room on their own sleep surface for the first six to 12 months.
That being said, of course, like you know, Hank is only four months old, so I definitely have not waited until that six months. You kind of have to weigh the pros and cons and figure out the best situation for your family and baby. I do recommend you, of course, always follow AAPS guidelines and sometimes you have to look at your own specific situation and make a decision for you.
For me, I was actually [00:11:00] doing less safe things at night because he was in my room. Of course I try and make it as safe as possible for him, but he's still in my bed, which is not a super safe situation.
So for me, it's actually safer that he's in his own room and not in my bed.
after four months, there's gonna be more wake up and more likely to be doing those behaviors, like bringing your baby into your bed. So of course, you make the safest possible choice for you and your family, but that is kind of why I decided to move him early so all of us could get better sleep, and so that I wasn't kind of going down that path of him needing to be in my bed.
Every night, all night. I feel safer with him in a crib in his own room than him being in my bed. Everybody's gonna have a different thought about that though, so you make a decision that's best for you. Of course.
So the next thing to consider are a few signs of readiness. Here are a few [00:12:00] reasons why you might choose to move your baby into their own room. The first is your baby has outgrown their bassinet and you don't have a safe way to fit a pack and play or a crib into your room. So it's really not safe for you to leave your baby in their bassinet.
If they've outgrown it, they don't have enough space in there. They are past the weight limit, whatever it is, and you don't have space to bring in a portable crib or a crib into your room. This can be a reason that it's time to put them in their own room in a crib, in a sleep space that's good for them.
Another reason to move them is if your baby starts rolling over or moving a ton, , they're going to need more space to do this. And the bassinet is not ideal if your baby's rolling over or moving a ton in the night. Again, you can get a pack and play and bring it into your room or fit a crib into your room, but at that point you may decide just to move your baby to their own room in their crib.
Another reason to move your baby is you are just feeling ready physically and emotionally.
Some parents and [00:13:00] babies have a really hard time sleeping well in the same room , and you may find that you feel ready to move your baby so you can all get better rest. Or you're, maybe you're just ready to have your space back, right?
You wanna like watch a show in your bed. You want to get up early. Like I like to. Whatever it is, just kind of feeling emotionally and physically ready for this transition.
Another reason you might consider moving your baby to their own room is they're sleeping through the night. They're sleeping nice long stretches and they don't necessarily need you grabbing them every few hours and feeding them anymore. That may be a good time where you find that both you and your baby are ready for your separate rooms.
Finally, another reason you might consider moving your baby to their own room is if your baby is at least six months old and you're trying to cut down on night feeds. Dropping night wake up is going to be very, very tricky while room sharing, as you just heard about my experience with Hank, I always tell people it's okay to sleep, train while room sharing, but when it comes to the night, wake up, it's going to feel really, really hard.
If you're trying to cut a [00:14:00] feed or cutting a night, wake up. While in the same room, so I don't recommend night weaning until at least six months old. But if you get to that six plus month mark and you're ready to cut down on those night, wake up, I totally recommend moving them to their own room. This is going to make it so, so much easier.
Another thing I'll add is you never have to move your baby to their own room if you don't want to
maybe you don't have space in your house. Maybe you have a different parenting philosophy where you truly believe that you should be sleeping in the same room as your child for as long as you want. Great. Like you don't have to do any of this, but because you're listening to this podcast, it's probably something that's on your radar at some point.
So if you're feeling ready to move your baby to their own space. Here's a couple tips on how to make it a smooth transition. The first is to practice naps in there, so if you can start practicing their naps in their crib, in their new room. For a week or two before you transition them at night. This can be really, really helpful because they'll already be familiar with the [00:15:00] space.
They will be familiar with their crib. This won't be a completely new place for them to sleep. It's a lot easier for us to sort of stay consistent and practice things during the day when we have more energy and we're not trying to go to sleep. You could have more capacity to practice these things during the day.
So practicing naps in there is gonna be really helpful before you commit to nights in their own room.
Finally, my other biggest tip is to do some process of sleep learning with your baby. Teaching them to fall asleep independently and stay asleep independently if you're gonna be in separate rooms. Because what's not going to be sustainable is you going, you know, across the house to the room every two hours all night long.
That's gonna feel really, really hard. So it can be helpful to make sure that you're teaching our baby to fall asleep and stay. Independently if you're going to move them to their own room, is this required? Absolutely not. You do not need to do this in order to move them to their own room, but it can be helpful if you're only needing to go [00:16:00] in there, you know, once or twice a night, depending on your baby's age, rather than rock them to sleep, you know, endless amount of times, or feed them to sleep an endless amount of times throughout the whole night, and they're not right next to you anymore.
Okay. Thank you so much for listening. If you have been here since the beginning and you've been following along this journey before I had Hank, or as I had Hank through all of these 18 weeks, 17 weeks, whatever, I appreciate you more than you even know. You are officially part of my like community in my village and I love that.
But I also feel like this podcast has sort of served its purpose. I wanted to get it rolling, get the ball rolling, get some listeners in here, and then I really wanted to take you week by week through my own sleep journey so you can see how I'm actually implementing these tips in real life. And now that Hank is in his own room, he's sleep trained, like obviously we have a long way to go.
He's [00:17:00] only four months old, but there just won't be the same sort of week to week updates and changes as there are those first 16 weeks. Right? So this podcast would get quite boring if I were to keep updating you weekly. So I've decided to put a little pause on this. It might not be goodbye forever. I don't know.
We'll see. Maybe I'll be back with another series, but for now, I'm going to pause the podcast if you still wanna follow along. Of course, I'm still sharing everything on Instagram. I'll share all of Hank's sleep updates there, and all of my content will still be posted on there.
I'll also probably start putting out some new blogs soon, so I'm not going anywhere. I am just putting a pause on this platform. It has served its purpose for me, and I'm so glad that you followed this journey with me. If you are a podcast listener, please, please hop over to Instagram. Send me a message.
Let me know [00:18:00] that you are a listener, just so I can get a little chat going with you. I love to connect with as many of you as I possibly can.
Thank you so much for listening. Again, you can follow Sleep by Alex on Instagram or check out my [email protected] for all of the resources I have created for you.
I hope you have a lovely rest of your week and I will not see you next week, but I will see you over on Instagram. Thanks guys.
