Three Month Nap Phase Survival Guide
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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well
All right. I am back in action. I did not record an episode last week. I am so sorry. I really, really apologize. I was going to push through and record it, and then I thought, you know what? I think my body is trying to tell me something and I need to just take this week off and chill. I ended up back to back getting mastitis one day, and then the very next day started getting shingles.
It was like so wild. It was like I was getting punked and I think all of it was my body saying like, whoa, whoa, whoa. We've been through a lot. We've had a baby and now we're sick and you are just all over the place. [00:01:00] So it kind of forced me to slow down and chill out, especially because shingles is worse with stress.
I really just wanted to let my nervous system have a bit of a reset the last couple weeks, so. That is why I did not record an episode last week. I am really sorry about that, but I am feeling so much better this week. I'm still taking it really easy in regards to like physical activity. I haven't gotten back to working out or anything yet.
Hopefully next week I will. I'm just really trying to let my body heal fully instead of pushing myself too fast. But I'm totally feeling much better to record the podcast. Hank is 15 weeks old now, and this is really exciting because we're coming up on this time where independent sleep and sleep training is in our near future.
So the little update on his sleep this week. I know the episode from a couple weeks ago I mentioned that [00:02:00] his naps were really entering that sort of three month. Crappy nap phase, and they're really short no matter what. Like he's waking up at 30 minutes on the dot, and I just haven't had the time or the capacity to really lengthen many of them.
So that did start happening a couple weeks ago. That's definitely still happening right now. We are in that short nap phase, and I will touch on a little bit how to navigate this short. Three month old nap phase after I kind of give you the Hank sleep update. So we will get there. But yeah, he is pretty much like no matter what I do, taking naps that are 30 minutes on the dot pretty much, and he's really not lengthening many of them even with help from me at this point.
So still the same there. Nighttime sleep is still going fine though. He goes to bed really easily at bedtime. He'll sleep [00:03:00] four or five, six hours straight. He'll take a feed, sleep another few hours, goes back down really easily in his bed, you know, still getting one or two night feeds. All of the night stuff is going fantastic.
And honestly, these 30 minute naps, it's not that things are going bad. This is actually completely expected at this age. Does it kind of suck? Yeah. But it's really developmentally appropriate for him to only sleep 30 minutes at nap time. Right now, many three and four month olds are going to have these short naps and some can lengthen them with the help from you, depending on their temperament and all of that.
He is harder to lengthen his naps for sure, than my other babies were. And just because of my life having, you know, three other kids, I can't always help him lengthen his naps. But for the most part, it's expected that at three or four months old, they are going to take these kind of short 30 minute naps.
Usually by around five months old, we can start to expect them to [00:04:00] lengthen those naps as long as we have checked all the boxes and set them up for success and taught independent sleep and done all of the things to get them to that one to two hour nap. But right now it's really normal that he sleeps 30 minutes.
It's a pain in the butt, but perfectly normal, and it's nothing like you or me or anyone's doing a wrong. This is really just a developmental phase if you have a three or four month old.
So the only thing that's really changed since we last talked is it's even getting hard to get him down for these 30 minute naps. I. He no longer really wants me to rock him to sleep. So if we go into his room and I turn off the lights and I try and start to rock him, he is like screaming bloody murder, not having it.
He really doesn't want me to like sit down and rock him or even walk around in a dark room and rock him. And bounce him. He is just not having it. He's like, no, no, no way. So he actually does a lot better [00:05:00] if I just lay him in his crib. He doesn't cry when I do that, but the problem is then he fights going to sleep.
Like if I leave, he cries and we're not at that stage yet where I'm ready to be leaving for longer periods of time and having him fall asleep on his own. I will also talk about when to do that in a minute. But I'm stuck in this funky stage where he doesn't want me to rock him to sleep. He wants me to lay him in his bed, but then he doesn't really want me to leave.
But if I stay there, he won't go to sleep. He kind of just like looks at me and COOs and you know, rolls side to side and like pulls his pacifier out of his mouth and just won't go to sleep for a very long time. And then he gets overtired and then he's mad, but he doesn't want me to pick him up and rock him to sleep, like it's just a hot mess, right?
So the easiest way to get him to nap right now has been to just have him do it in the carrier. There's still 30 minute naps, but at least he'll pretty much fall asleep right away. You know, within five or 10 [00:06:00] minutes he's out and he's happy to fall asleep in there. It's a pain to spend 20 or 30 minutes trying to get him to fall asleep in his crib, just for him to wake up 30 minutes later.
So for me, lately, it's really just a lot of carrier naps. Of course, at least once a day. I'm still attempting the crib nap. I don't want him to just forget about his crib altogether. But I've really just had to survive, especially with managing the other kids and needing to go here and there with just him falling asleep in the carrier.
'cause that's been the easiest way. That doesn't mean we're failing in any way. This is really developmentally appropriate and normal, and I am so, so close to being able to teach independent sleep. So in my head I'm just thinking like, I know this can only last at the most, the next couple weeks. So I'm okay with sort of giving into this and helping him where needed and doing what works best for my family right now and me right now.
And that's what that's been.
As we reach 16 weeks in these next few [00:07:00] days, I am definitely going to be dabbling into teaching him to consistently fall asleep at nap time on his own because it would be really nice if I could just say goodnight. Lay him down in his crib, and even if it's just the 30 minute nap, which is normal at this age, at least he could fall asleep on his own consistently.
And it's not this battle of trying to get him down at every nap time. So I'm probably going to start a little bit of a light independent sleep training, at least for a nap time. In the next week or so, so I'll definitely keep you updated on that process. Next week we'll dive into more about sleep training and sleep learning, and if it's right for you and ages to do it and what the process can look like.
That will be next week's episode because I'll probably be more in the thick of it at that point in that age. This week, I just wanna give you some tips to survive this sort of three month crappy nap phase that I'm going through, and maybe some of you are going through.
So, as I've already said, [00:08:00] these sort of short naps at three or four months are really developmentally appropriate and yes, annoying, but also normal and you are not doing anything wrong if your baby is only sleeping for 30 minutes at a time.
So what exactly can we do eventually? Does sleep training and age help with this? Yes, absolutely. But when you're stuck in this sort of like three to four months and you're not sleep training or it's developmentally appropriate to have these short naps, like how the heck do we survive this sort of phase?
And yeah, I'm just. Using that word survive. Like we're not gonna be thriving right now probably, and that's okay. We'll be thriving in a few weeks, but right now we're just trying to get through the day and get your baby some solid rest if we can, and keep yourself sane. That's our goal for the next couple weeks.
Okay.
So here are my top tips. Tip number one. We're still really gonna focus on preventing over tiredness. You may think your baby's suddenly taking short naps, so [00:09:00] maybe keep them awake longer and longer to get them more tired so they take a longer nap. Finally, really is not the case at this age and stage. Is that the case at some point?
Absolutely. But right now, that's most likely not what's going on. Your three month old still probably needs to be awake. Only about 75 ish minutes. Usually between 60 and 90 minutes is a typical wake window before a nap at this age.
So make sure you're watching those wake windows. You're getting them down before they're overtired. We still wanna be doing this, even if it means they're gonna take these short naps. We don't wanna be keeping them awake longer, and then they're overtired, and then they're still taking short naps, and then they're just gonna be a hot mess.
By the end of the day, it's probably going to affect their bedtime and their nights. We just don't wanna do that. So make sure you're still preventing over tiredness during this phase.
Tip number two is help your baby extend their naps. If your baby wakes up from a nap that's been less than an hour long, [00:10:00] spend like 10 to 15 minutes seeing if you can get them back down to sleep. Even if it means you're rocking them to sleep, you're holding them, you're finishing off with a contact, nap, whatever it takes to get them back to sleep.
Don't worry about spoiling them at this stage. You just help them fall back asleep if you can. Now, don't lose your mind doing this. Spend 10 to 15 minutes max. If it's not happening in 15 minutes, scrap it. We don't need to be in the nursery all day long trying to extend an nap. We also don't need to do this every single nap.
Don't lose your mind doing this for naps a day. Do it when it's convenient and works for you. Do it when you can. If you can do at least one or two a day, amazing. Maybe you're like me, and some days you get zero extended and it is what it is and we kind of have to make up for it with an earlier bedtime.
Luckily, Hank sleeps really well at night, so he makes up for it at night.
But yeah, if you can help them extend at least a couple naps a day, you are winning, even if it means it's a [00:11:00] contact nap, take it as a win. Tip number three, if your baby has a really hard time extending naps, once the first half has been in the crib or bassinet, maybe just opt for at least one or two naps a day.
Just being full contact. So if they take a better longer nap, if you just start the beginning of nap in your arms or in the carrier or in the stroller or whatever it is, just aim to do that a couple times a day. It's okay that you're doing a couple contact naps a day, and not every single nap. Starts off in the crib, especially if those crib naps are really hard for you to extend.
If you can get a one to two hour nap in your arms once a day, amazing opt to do that to help them get some restorative rest. You'll be grateful that you did it.
My last tip for this phase, and I kind of already touched on this, is you cannot spoil your three month old. So don't worry about rocking to sleep or doing too many contact naps at this point. Practicing independent sleep. It is really important. We want them to be aware of their crib and their [00:12:00] bassinet.
We want them to start to learn how to sleep in these spaces, so it's good to practice and it's also 100% okay and normal that they need contact, sleep, especially during the day. So don't worry about too many contact naps or rocking them to sleep too much at this phase. We really just wanna help them get restorative, daytime sleep.
And we will worry about independent sleep in the next couple weeks. Once your baby turns four months old or at the earliest 16 weeks, you can start to teach them to fall asleep completely independently. This in turn can help them take longer and nap on their own. And like I said, even if you do sleep train at around four months or 16 weeks, it can take a few more weeks for their naps to start to lengthen consistently, independently.
It's more like a five month old thing to be able to take a nice long nap in their crib on their own. So hang in there. I am right there with you. I know this phase is tiring. Three to four months [00:13:00] is really hard. It feels hard because it is totally hard. This is my fourth baby and this is still the hardest age in my opinion, that I've had to experience
you've got this. We are in the final miles of a marathon, and if you're curious about teaching independent sleep and getting your baby to fall asleep easier, or maybe you are up all night long with your baby as well, or maybe you are co-sleeping and you didn't plan on it, or maybe you're feeding to sleep and that's starting to wear on you.
Whatever it is you have going on, . Stay tuned for next week's episode 'cause I'm really going to dive into sleep Training 1 0 1. Like what are our options here? When can we start? Who can this help? Who does this not help? What's my plan? We're gonna go over all of that next week when Hank is 16 weeks old and sort of approaching that four month mark.
Thank you so much for listening this week. I hope this gave you a few tips to survive this sort of three month nap progression.
If you found this helpful, please [00:14:00] send it to a fellow parent and take like two seconds to leave a five star review. It's super helpful. We'll chat next week. Okay.
