Week Nine: Independent Nap Progress and Tips
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Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well
Hey everyone. Welcome back to the podcast week nine with my little one. If you are new here, I actually just had my fourth baby.
He has now eight weeks old. What I've been doing since he was born is taking you through week by week my sleep journey with him. So how he's sleeping, how I got him sleeping, like that tips I'm implementing in real time, week by week.
You can follow along with me. This podcast is sort of meant to be listened to in order, so if you notice that I mentioned like how he's sleeping at night, but I'm not really explaining how exactly I got there, it's because you should go back and start with week one and sort of binge through there and catch up to week nine.
Each [00:01:00] episode sort of builds on one another. I'm not gonna go back and reiterate every single thing I've already covered since he was born.
So if you're curious about that, please go back and listen to those episodes. If you are new, I am happy you are here.
So, like I said, this week, we're talking about week nine with my little guy.
, not too, too much to report when it comes to the way he's been sleeping, because it's pretty similar to the last couple weeks. At night he goes to bed, he usually gets a five-ish hour stretch. Sometimes it's more like five and a half or six hours. Then I feed him, he goes down for a few more hours and then I feed him and he'll go down for a couple more hours.
So he's getting a nice five to six hour stretch. He's still on two night feeds. All of this is perfectly normal and great for a two month old, so I am happy with it, and that's what we're rocking with for now.
As far as daytime sleep goes, he's still awake for about an hour at a time. If I am aiming for a nap in the crib or bassinet, he [00:02:00] usually wakes 30 ish minutes in and then I pick him up to try and extend the nap. I aim to make most naps an hour to two hours. For the most part, they are, except a couple, each day are only that sort of 30 to 40 minute cat nap, which is totally fine.
So, as I said before, pretty similar to what's been going on for the last couple weeks. The one thing I have noticed that's changed over this week, now that he's eight weeks old, I. It is really getting so much easier to get him down for an independent nap. So he takes a lot of contact naps. Having four kids, we're sort of all over the place.
I'm walking to school, I am doing chores. I am leaving the house to drive to soccer. Like there's lots of things we're doing. So often he's sleeping on the go in, the wrap in my arms. But what I've been doing lately is trying to practice one to two naps each day in his crib or bassinet. I started practicing that pretty consistently about two weeks ago when he hit around six weeks old.
He was pretty much a Velcro baby for [00:03:00] the first couple weeks. I couldn't lay him down for any naps whatsoever, and then when I started to be able to lay him down here and there, it was mostly like right next to me as I was sitting on my bed or in the living room with me. It was still tricky to get a independent nap
that was in his crib or bassinet, but right around six weeks is when I started being more consistent about aiming for at least once, if not twice or more a day. He's starting his nap in the crib or bassinet if we're home.
Now that I've been practicing for the last couple weeks, I notice it's getting so much easier to get him down. He just gets through routine now. It used to be rocking him to sleep, which would take a handful of minutes, and then once he fell asleep, I would usually hold him for 10 solid minutes to make sure he was in a deep sleep before I transferred him.
And even then, it was a hit or miss. Now that we've been practicing that for a couple weeks, I can just rock him for a minute. He passes out. I don't wait any. Longer. I just set him in his crib or bassinet. Even if he stirs, he kind of [00:04:00] like knows he sleeps in there. He's used to the space, he's used to the rhythm and the routine.
This is why little nap time routines and bedtime routines and keeping things consistent for your baby can make it so much easier to get them to sleep well. So this practice is definitely paying off. Now, I'm only in the room a handful of minutes, and I can transfer him and leave, which is really nice because I have other things to do.
I can't spend hours a day in the nursery trying to get him to take a nap.
And on that note, what I wanted to do this week is something a little bit special. I wanted to give you a quick version of my secret to independent naps. So every year I teach an amazing one hour workshop live online where everybody comes and I go over seven steps to get independent naps with your baby.
I want to share those with you today, but a little bit of an abbreviated version of it. I don't want to take an hour of your time like I do in the workshop. I know that we're all busy and I love the workshop. If you're ever curious [00:05:00] about it, you can totally go check it out. But today I just wanted to give you kind of the shortened version of that because it can be life-changing when you can lay your baby down for a nap and have a moment to yourself.
Don't get me wrong, I love contact naps and I am already so sad that Hank won't always be a newborn that will sleep in my arms.
But it can also get pretty exhausting and frustrating when your baby will only sleep in your arms. That really becomes unsustainable for so many people. So if you're feeling that way, stick around. I'm gonna give you some hot, quick tips that you can implement right away to get one to two successful crib naps with your baby every day.
Like I said, I teach this workshop for a whole hour, so I would love to share a ton of stuff with you. Today is gonna be a little bit abbreviated. I don't wanna hold you here for an hour, but I'm going to sort of breeze through it as fast as I can to get you some tips that you can implement right away.
Before I get into it, I really look at independent sleep [00:06:00] in three pieces. If you think about like a pie, I cut independent sleep into three pieces, and there are three things that go into creating an independent sleeper. The first is laying a foundation, so this is all the stuff we focus on in the newborn months or before we teach our older baby to fall asleep independently.
Before any sort of sleep training is when we're laying the foundation. These are great places to start for any age, baby.
The next piece of the pie is sometime after four months old, teaching our baby to fall asleep completely independently, so you can lay them in their crib awake, say goodnight, walk out the door. They fall asleep, they take a nap on their own. That's sort of the second piece of the pie.
And then the third piece of the pie is over time, staying consistent with your sleep habits yet tuned into their needs. Your baby is going to go through regressions, nap transitions, illnesses, separation, anxiety. So we have to figure out over time how do we meet their emotional and physical needs while also keeping sleep on [00:07:00] track so that your baby or toddler can stay a consistent sleeper over the years to come.
And you don't have to like sleep train over and over and over again. Now when it comes to those three pieces of the pie, today I'm really focusing on the Laying the Foundation piece. This is the chunk we're going to talk about today. This is really for newborns under four months old. 100% of this you can do with your baby if your baby's older than four months old.
You're also gonna wanna start with these things. But you have many more options than newborn's parents have because you can actually expect to be able to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. So while I'm gonna focus on laying a foundation.
I will make sure that I make it clear which tips are appropriate for newborns, which tips are appropriate for older babies, and then I'll sort of give a tidbit at the end. If you do have a baby who's older than four months old, what your other options are in addition to all of these tips.
Okay, here we go. With your first step towards an independent nap, the very first thing you [00:08:00] need to do before shooting for a crib nap with your baby is setting up the sleep environment. We really wanna set your baby up for success. We need to think about where are they sleeping. Are we creating a space that is conducive for them to take a nap?
While fresh newborns in the first couple months of life should be napping in a bright, active, noisy room to help orient day and night. Many babies after six to eight weeks old are often gonna sleep so much better when they're in a cool dark room.
They may not just easily doze off in the living room anymore. They can become overstimulated by their surroundings. They can stay awake for hours and power through their sleepiness, so it can be really helpful to move naps into a really dark room, blackout blinds, blackout curtains, whatever you could manage in that room, a nice and cool room.
You don't want it too warm. And then it's also helpful if you're playing some sort of white noise, brown noise, whatever you prefer, some sort of constant sound machine going to help lull them into sleep and keep them [00:09:00] asleep.
That tip applies to newborns and older babies. Anyone can implement that one starting today.
My second tip for independent apps today is to swaddle. So this one is going to be specifically for newborns that are not yet showing signs of rolling. If your baby is rolling over or showing signs that they're going to roll soon, you should not be swaddling them.
But for newborns who are not yet rolling, it's important to swaddle. If you would like to aim for a crib or bassinet nap, yes. Even if your baby. Fights the swaddle or doesn't like the swaddle. Newborns are active sleepers. Their moral reflex is strong. They spend so much time in active sleep. They're grunting, squirming, moving around, jerking themselves awake.
Getting a crib nap in the newborn months without the swaddle is going to be pretty tricky. If you think your baby doesn't like the swaddle, keep practicing and don't expect that the swaddle is going to be the thing that calms your baby [00:10:00] down and puts them to sleep.
No, it's usually just the first step in getting your baby to sleep, and then you can stack on other soothing methods on top of the swaddle.
Again, that is only for newborns who are not yet rolling.
Tip number three for an independent nap is to follow age appropriate wake windows, and sleepy cues. You probably hear this stinking term all the time. Wake windows. Wake windows, wake windows. But truly making sure your baby isn't overtired or not tired enough is going to be so helpful when it comes to getting a good nap and getting a nap in their crib.
If you're trying for a nap in the crib with an overtired baby, you are going to have a very hard time finding success. When they're overtired, they're gonna be fussy, have a harder time falling asleep, harder time staying asleep. They're gonna have shorter naps, more frequent night wake up. It's really important that you're getting your baby down when they're sleepy.
Not super tired.
If you are trying to figure out your baby's specific wake windows, [00:11:00] of course you can join the Sleep by Alex membership. I would be happy to walk you through how to figure out what wake windows work best for your baby, and we can sort of try different things and through some trial and error, find the perfect schedule for your baby.
Okay. Tip number four, we've set up the sleep environment. We followed their weak windows, their sleepy cues.
We've swaddled them if they are newborns. And now the next tip, transfer carefully.
When transferring your baby into the crib or bassinet, here's my favorite way of doing it. You're already holding them on their side as you rock them to sleep. So you're going to hold them on their side as close to your body for as long as you can, as you sort of lean over the crib or bassinet and lower them onto their side first.
Slowly roll them onto their back while keeping your hand on their chest. Either applying some gentle pressure or jostling them back and forth for a minute to ensure that they stay asleep. You may have to stroke their eyebrows a little bit or stroke the bridge of their nose. You may have to shush a [00:12:00] little bit, but really you want to make sure not to just like plop them flat on their back because you're going to activate their startle reflux.
So try and transfer them super carefully.
Of course, my workshop shows a video of this for you. This is not video form, so I apologize that I have to just explain it by word, but hopefully it makes sense to you.
If your baby has a really, really hard time with the transfer, like they're asleep, and anytime you try and transfer them, they automatically pop their eyes open and they're awake. You may actually practice laying them down while they're really drowsy, before they fall asleep, and then sort of jostling them and soothing them to sleep in the crib.
This can help eliminate that risk of them waking on the transfer.
So these tips for transferring carefully, I'm mainly talking about newborns. If you want to continue to rock your baby to sleep after four months old, please do so.
But what I will say is this can get a lot harder as they get older. They can take a longer time to fall asleep. It can feel near impossible to [00:13:00] transfer them into their bed and forget about laying them down drowsy, but awake. They're just too aware of that, and they may be able to reach for you, scream the moment you lay them down, so on and so forth.
So if you can rock, you're four plus month old to sleep and transfer them successfully, awesome. Keep doing that. . But if your baby is at least four months old and you can't get them in their crib or bassinet, the thing that will change your life and fix this all quickly is teaching them to fall asleep in their crib on their own.
Remember that other piece of the pie from the beginning, right? Independent sleep initiation. Just eliminate this. Need to spend hours trying to get your baby to sleep and transfer them into their bed. And be able to lay them down, say goodnight, walk out, knowing they'll fall asleep on their own within a few minutes.
There are many ways to teach your baby this skill, so stick around until the end of this episode. I will definitely go over a few options with you there.
Okay, I am gonna get into tip number six, but first I'm going to warn you that [00:14:00] Hank just woke up from his nap and he's still tired, so I am going to hold him in my arms and rock him back to sleep. If you hear any weird little noises, it's probably him just squirming or sucking on his pacifier. I apologize.
This is just what it's like.
To create content and manage a business as I have little ones at home.
So tip number six, practice, practice. Practice. The crib may be a new space for your baby, so the more you practice, the more familiar your baby will get with that space. Just as I shared earlier, just a couple weeks of practicing with Hank, he's already getting. So used to that space and knowing that when we go in the nursery and I turn down the lights and I turn on the sound machine and I change his diaper, it's time for sleep.
He's just used to this rhythm and routine. Now,
Don't just try these tips one time and then decide that they don't work. Keep at it. Stay consistent with at least once a day.
It's easiest [00:15:00] to practice crib naps in the morning. Usually the morning is typically the first nap to solidify, and it is often easiest to get your baby down for this nap. If you're trying for a crib nap like the last nap of the day at 5:00 PM it's likely going to be a lot trickier. And if it feels overwhelming to change up your current routine, just start by practicing the first nap of the day for a couple weeks.
That's all you need for now. See how it goes. If you feel like the one nap is getting easier and better and you wanna try adding another one during the day, then great. Add the second nap of the day and see how that one goes.
If you're practicing these crib or bassinet naps, please tag me in your stories. Take a picture of what you're doing to care for yourself while your baby sleeps. Tag sleep by Alex on Instagram. I would love to see us practicing these crib and bassinet naps together. I'm in it with you too. I have a two month old and I'm going through the same exact thing, so it would make me happy to see us doing this together as a group.
Having this sort of [00:16:00] group support is essential when it comes to surviving motherhood.
I just realized I said the last one is tip number six is definitely just tip number five, because now I'm moving on to tip number six, which is something I'm actually doing with my baby right now. Tip number six is help your baby extend their naps.
Newborn naps are unpredictable. Some naps are gonna be 20 minutes, some naps are gonna be two hours short. Naps are really, really common, especially if your babies are around three months old. Three month olds are going to need a lot of support getting to sleep and staying asleep.
So in a perfect world, naps are at least an hour or so.
, this is just the goal. In a perfect world, this is not to stress you out. Not every single one year baby's naps needs to be an hour. That just wouldn't be realistic, but just know that that's what we're shooting for. Which means if you lay your baby down and they wake up after less than an hour, the best thing you can do is help them extend their nap.
Spend 10 to 15 minutes seeing if you can get them back to sleep,
whether that's rocking them in your [00:17:00] arms and finishing off with a contact nap. Whether that's offering a pacifier and getting them back to sleep in their cripp or bassinet. Keep the sound machine on. Keep the room dark. The goal is just to get to as close to an hour as you can. Also, don't lose your sanity over this. Don't spend all day in the nurse resaving naps. Just do it when you can.
When you have the capacity for it, when you have time for it, like right now, Hank just slept 30 minutes in his crib. I heard him crying. 30 minute nap is super great and perfectly normal at two months old in the crib, but he's still tired. So what I do is I pick him up, I keep him swaddled.
Ideally what? I stay in his room. Sure. But I have other things to do, like record the podcast. So he's just sitting in my arm sleeping right now as I'm recording this with you, . And hopefully I can get his nap to be at least an hour. So he's nice and well rested for the next wake window,
and he's getting some restorative daytime sleep, which is going to help with his nighttime sleep. Now what if your baby is not a newborn? Okay. I have a little bit of a different answer for this. If your [00:18:00] baby is at least four months old and you are helping them fall asleep, so you're rocking them to sleep, you're patting them to sleep, you're feeding them to sleep, you're laying with them until they fall asleep, whatever it may be, there is a very, very, very high chance every single nap, they're gonna wake up 30 to 45 minutes later.
That's because that's how long one nap sleep cycle is. And at that age, if they need help falling asleep at the beginning of nap time, they're likely gonna wake up in between their sleep cycle transition after a half an hour and not know how to fall back asleep on their own. So if this is the case for your baby, you can also do the same thing.
You can pick them up, rock them back to sleep, and help them extend their nap.
If 30 minute cat naps are the bane of your existence and you've been dealing with them for months on end, and that's why you're here, then you're gonna wanna work on that other piece of the pie, the independent sleep initiation piece. Until your older baby, four plus month old [00:19:00] can be laid down, awake, and fall asleep on their own, they're most likely going to have a very hard time connecting in those nap sleep cycles and sleeping any longer than that for quite a long time.
Remember, hang around till the end of this episode. I will give you options on how you can do that.
Okay, my final tip, but probably the most important one in this whole episode. Tip number seven, manage expectations. It is so important to understand what is normal, what your baby is capable of in managing those expectations.
If you're not doing this, you may be setting yourself up to feel frustrated or disappointed. Time and time and time again.
So for newborn parents, if you have a baby that is younger than four months old, you may think like they should just be able to fall asleep when they're tired. You may think you don't wanna spoil your baby by rocking them to sleep and helping them extend their naps. You want them to learn to sleep independently so you aren't stuck rocking them and holding them [00:20:00] forever.
But then you make the mistake of feeling really frustrated because your baby needs too much help to fall asleep and nap. Well, this leads to your mental health suffering over time. You try over and over again to lay your baby down without first setting them up for success, and you're trying to teach your baby independent sleep when it's not age app.
Your newborn needs help sleeping, especially in that first like 12 weeks of your baby's life. They are adjusting to being outside of your womb. Of course, they're going to nap better on you. Of course they're going to need support. Getting to sleep, rocking your newborn to sleep and doing contact naps is not spoiling your baby.
Okay. Think about this. We know babies eventually need to learn to walk, right? Because we know our baby needs to learn to walk. Do we just like not carry them around when they're newborns because it might spoil them or ruin their chances of learning to walk? No. Well, of course not. It wouldn't be developmentally appropriate for us to expect a two month old to learn how to walk.
So we [00:21:00] support them and teach them age appropriate skills as they grow. We do tummy time when there are newborns. We encourage rolling, eventually sitting, standing, cruising, and then leading to learn to walk.
On the other hand, of course, if you hold your baby forever and never allow them to practice these foundational skills, they're gonna take a whole lot longer to learn how to walk. While sleep is the same. We can't expect a newborn to self-soothe. We consistently take two hour naps in their crib all day long.
It's just not age appropriate.
So you're not going to ruin their ability to learn independent sleep by holding them for naps and rocking them to sleep in the newborn months. And at some point, just like if we hold them forever, they won't learn how to walk for a long time when it's age appropriate, you will have to provide them with new opportunities to learn.
If you do wanna teach them independent sleep, your baby's sleep habits aren't gonna magically change unless you make a change. And just because you can't [00:22:00] spoil your newborn doesn't mean you don't practice independent sleep at all. Practicing these crib naps once or twice a day is going to help your baby get used to the space and give you time to take care of yourself.
So, while I don't want you to feel guilty for holding your baby or rocking them to sleep, I also wanna encourage you to practice these crib naps. If you're feeling ready for a change with your newborn, go into these naps knowing you may have to rock them completely to sleep. They may wake up 20 or 30 minutes later and you have to finish off with a contact nap.
This is all perfectly normal and okay.
This is still great practice for them. Now, what about babies who are older than a four months old? How can we manage our expectations for these babies? As I mentioned before, if you're laying your baby down asleep, you're patting them to sleep, you're rocking them to sleep, you're feeding them to sleep.
They are most likely only going to nap for 30 or so minutes.
So instead of feeling frustrated about this, just expect this. If your baby needs help falling asleep, they're likely going to need [00:23:00] help falling back asleep. In between sleep cycle transitions, go into each nap expecting a short one. Then if you get long one, yay, that's just like an extra bonus and super exciting.
Your baby may hang onto these short naps for months and months if they don't know how to fall asleep on their own.
So you may be thinking like, okay, what if I'm ready to be done spending hours of my day, getting my baby to sleep, just for them to wake up shortly after that? What if I am ready to teach my older baby how to fall asleep independently? What if my baby's still waking up every two to three hours all night long and need help getting back to sleep all night?
I haven't had restorative sleep in months.
Well, that's where I'm gonna circle back, like I said, I would for those older babies. Remember today we really covered the first like one third of the pie that goes into independent sleep. Yes, we can lay a great foundation, but then the next step is really going to be teaching those independent sleep [00:24:00] skills and staying consistent, yet tuned into your baby.
You may think like your baby's naturally eventually going to learn to sleep better on their own, and then you may be waiting around for months and months on end without changing their sleep habits. Just hoping that things will change by themselves, which leads to months of sleepless nights that are not necessary.
Know that your baby can totally learn to sleep better and sleep independently if that's your goal. So instead of weeding around, take the step right now to get some professional guidance and support in changing your habits and teaching your baby to sleep better.
This is gonna lead to better rest for you and your baby. Better sleep is going to affect your mental, physical, social, emotional wellbeing. You'll have more time to care for yourself, your home, your other children. Reconnect with your partner. Better sleep is going to support your baby's development as well.
And having ongoing individualized sleep support is the best way to ensure you're gonna have a consistently good [00:25:00] sleeper throughout the months. So of course, there are many ways to teach your baby to fall asleep independently. The trick is nailing down a method that feels sustainable and doable for you based on you and your baby's temperaments, your goal, your timeline, all of that.
So if you're ready to teach your baby independent sleep initiation without using some one size fits all approach you found on Google while using a method you're actually comfortable with the Sleep by Alex, membership is where you want to be. If you have a newborn and you're looking for more, because today we only scratch the surface of newborn sleep.
The Sleep by Alex membership is where you want to be.
The membership includes monthly sleep coaching groups. For those of you with four to 24 month olds who are interested in teaching independent sleep,
this is a chance for you to do it live with me and a group of parents who are going through the exact same thing as you.
The membership also includes live q and as for any age and stage newborn through five years old. You don't have to be in the middle of [00:26:00] teaching your baby to fall asleep independently. Anything you need help with in those first five years when it comes to sleep, you can come to any of the live Q and As throughout the month.
The membership also includes the ability to get your sleep questions answered quickly. Every single baby is unique and different, so ditch Google, get your questions answered by a professional. Think of it like having a sleep consultant in your pocket at all times.
Post your questions, your sleep diary entries, your independent sleep progress and get support and answers from me right away. I've got you through sleep regressions and nap transitions, sleep training, independent newborn naps, all of that. You can send me your questions and I will reply.
Finally, the membership also includes access to all of the resources I've ever created, including my first four months guide, my four to 24 month sleep course. My dropping the swaddle guide, my crib to toddler bed guide. I have workshops, PDFs, it's all in there.
In the course, I break down [00:27:00] every single step of teaching independent sleep, and I give you a variety of methods to choose from depending on how gradual or how accelerated you'd like to go.
And of course you'll get ongoing support as you implement the course via the live calls or sending me your messages.
There's no time commitment for the membership. You can come stay for one month, stay for six months, whatever, cancel any time. Either way, I would love to have you there. Over 200 families have benefited from this membership already,
so if you're curious about joining, use the Code podcast at checkout that's gonna give you 50% off of your first month in the membership.
Join, right now. Send me a message right away so we can get you towards independent sleep today.
Thank you so much for tuning in. Make sure you subscribe. If you would like to hear about week 10 next week I hope you have a lovely week and we will chat next Tuesday.
