ep 23 why is my newborn up all night
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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well
Hey everyone. Welcome back. Happy Tuesday.
I'm gonna start by apologizing. I have a little bit of a cold right now, so if I sound a little stuffy and. Raspy. That is why,
but it's nothing too bad. So we're gonna power through and get today's episode out to you.
Before I get into today's topic, I do want to give you a little reminder in case you're a new round here.
I am now 37 weeks pregnant,
which means that in a few weeks when I welcome this baby, I'm gonna take some time from there on out to sort of switch up how this podcast is done. So what I'll do once the baby is born is week by week, take you through my sleep journey with my baby, how it's going. Things I'm [00:01:00] implementing so that you can hear in real time like how I'm actually putting all of these tips into action and how things work in real life, right?
Sometimes it can be great for me to like spew out all this information to you, but then sometimes you're feeling like, well, this, is this realistic? Does this actually work?
Like, what does having a newborn or an infant really look like in real life? So once the baby's born, I'm going to week by week, take you through my sleep journey with me. So if you have any friends that are parents or they're about to be parents, please, please send them this podcast if they're interested in going on this journey with us and hearing all about it.
Of course, there's already 20 something episodes that they can binge with a bunch of great information. But if you're curious about coming along for my sleep journey, then that's what we're gonna be doing next. All right.
But so far the baby is still in my belly, so we are not gonna get there yet. [00:02:00] Today we're gonna talk about why your newborn may be up all night long.
we cannot expect our newborns to sleep through the night, right? Yes. Do you hear about those unicorn newborns who do sleep six, seven, eight, nine, ten hours straight in the night? Sure. But it's just not realistic or average for us to expect them to be sleeping. Those longer stretches quite yet.
But if you feel like your newborn is waking up more than average, you feel like you're up all night long with your baby. I am gonna talk about four reasons that this may be happening with you and your baby. Now there is a lot that goes into newborn sleep.
There are so many moving parts when you have a whole new human being coming into the world and they're just like getting adjusted to everything. So these are not the only four reasons. Your baby would be up frequently, but these are really, really common ones that I find are quick to troubleshoot. And at least check off the list and [00:03:00] make sure that we're addressing these four things.
And then at the end of the episode, I will talk about what can we actually expect out of our newborns? How long can they sleep at night? And what is quote unquote normal? I hate that sort of term, but you know what I'm saying. What is average? What can we expect?
And what to do if our baby is not sleeping that much.
So the first reason your newborn may be up all night is incomplete. Daytime feeds. So daytime feeds are super important in the newborn months. Getting nice full feeds in during the day can help reduce wake-ups at night.
So of course, once again, it's normal for our newborns to wake up in the middle of the night for feeds. But if they're getting a majority of their calories at night, of course they're gonna keep on waking up more frequently. For those calories. We want to try and make sure [00:04:00] we're getting a majority of their calories during the day, and then of course, they're getting some at night.
Do your best to get a full feed in during the day. Every two to three-ish hours, you're gonna wanna focus on keeping your baby awake while they eat. This can be a struggle when you are in that like newborn stage. Some are really sleepy, and the moment that they're on the breast or the bottle, they're dozing off.
And while it's really normal for a young newborn to fall asleep while feeding, the goal is that we get as much of their feed in as we can before they pass out. So this can feel tricky.
I find it helpful that literally every single feed, I undress my newborn down to their diaper. I know this sounds kind of annoying to do, and it's just another step, and you're kind of bothering them a little bit by undressing them and taking off their pajamas or their shirt, whatever they're wearing,
but this is just gonna help wake them up a [00:05:00] little bit and if you want, you can take each opportunity for feeding to have skin to skin, which is nice. And it's just gonna make sure they're not super, super warm and cozy when they're eating, and less likely to just fall right asleep, right?
So we're gonna undress them down to their diaper while they're feeding. You might gently tap on them. You might lift their arm up and down, wiggle their limbs a little bit. You might talk to them gently.
You might even use like a damp washcloth along their body or their face to keep them awake. I know that this sounds tedious, but making sure that your baby is waking up every two to three hours during the day. In order to get a nice full feed in that keeps them satiated for another two to three hours is really helpful when it comes to nighttime sleep.
Now, I'm not talking about nighttime, by the way, everyone always freaks out about this. I am not talking about waking up your baby every two to three hours at night, [00:06:00] okay? This is just during the day. Just during the day. If it's Ben. Three hours. Let's get them up. Let's get a nice full feed in. Let's take some time to make sure they're not super cozy.
They're not all swaddled up, they're not in their jammies. We're gonna try and wake them up a little bit, get as much of a feed in as we can while sort of like jostling them and keeping them awake. And then of course, if they pass out at the end of the feed, that's totally gonna happen, especially in the beginning, but at least we got as much of a feed in as we can before they are conked out again.
Okay. Reason number two, your newborn may be up all night long is inadequate daytime sleep. So newborns, they need a ton of sleep. They are growing in developing exponentially, and this sleep is supporting that. The average newborn really only stays awake 45 to maybe 90 minutes at a time. And of course, the younger your newborn [00:07:00] is, if they're pretty fresh, it's probably more like 45 minutes.
If you have a newborn who's, you know. Coming up on three months old, it may be more like an hour and a half, sometimes that they're awake. This awake time includes their feeding time. So if you have a fresh newborn who you know is maybe a month old and woke up and fed for 20 or 30 minutes, they might want a nap 20 or 30 minutes later.
Their awake time includes their feeding time. The average newborn also needs five to eight hours of total daytime sleep every single day. Again, I know that's a big range, and these are just average numbers. These are not rules or anything per se. These are just like if we take all the newborns, how much sleep are they typically getting during the day?
Good daytime sleep can lead to better nighttime sleep. So following those age appropriate wake windows, watching for their sleepy cues, helping your newborn get adequate rest during the [00:08:00] day is going to help with less wake ups at night. An overtired newborn can wake up super frequently and seem very upset, fussy, have a hard time staying asleep.
Seems really tired,
So take a look at your baby's daytime sleep. Are they getting adequate rest during the day to help with this nighttime sleep?
The third reason your newborn may be up all night, and I find that this one is often overlooked, is overstimulation. The world is exciting, and once your newborn sort of wakes up to the world, right, they're past that first couple weeks, they're starting to open their eyes and kind of look around and take in their surroundings.
They can become very easily. Overstimulated. So some babies are better at tuning out stimulation while others will end up fighting their sleep because of what's going on around them. So it may seem like your baby is perfectly [00:09:00] happy spending the evening, sitting in their little bouncer and watching you make dinner and watching your toddler bounce off the walls and they're listening to music with you.
And then when we go to put them to bed. Even though we've followed age appropriate wake windows, they end up fighting their sleep. When it's eventually time for them to go to sleep. This is most likely because they just took in too much stimulation during their awake time and now that it's time to sleep, their little brain is having a very hard time sort of chilling out and dozing off.
Now, of course our newborns are going to be exposed to stimulation, right? Some of us do have toddlers, some of us have to make dinner. Some of us want to watch tv, some of us wanna listen to music. We're not gonna be protecting our newborns from all of these moments, right? These are great, happy, fun moments that we want our newborns to be a part of.
So I don't mean that you have to like protect them from all of these fun things at all costs, but just be aware as nap time or bedtime approaches, are we [00:10:00] reducing stimulation. So yes, these things are really fun and can totally happen during an awake window. As we get closer to a nap or closer to bedtime, can we make sure there's, you know, 15, 20 minutes where we do dim the lights?
We do like lower our voices a little bit. Maybe we turn the TV off. We start to chill out a little bit to help reduce stimulation as their bedtime or as their naptime approaches. If you have a really busy time of the day, sometimes those. Evenings can get really busy, right? Maybe you or your partner's coming home from work your toddler's home.
Now if maybe they were at daycare earlier, you're trying to make dinner, maybe the TV's on or the music is on. Kind of like we talked about it can be helpful to wear your baby in a carrier facing your body during those busy times. It can actually, even if they're not sleeping, they're just in there awake.
It can just help buffer some of the stimulation [00:11:00] around them. So that's just a little quick tip I like to add in there, especially for those evenings that might feel a little bit busier than the rest of the day was.
Okay, I'll get to the fourth reason and then after that I will talk about what can we actually expect out of our newborns, right? Like what is realistic?
So reason number four, your newborn may be up all night is gas. Gas is such a common culprit of discomfort in the newborn months. Your baby's digestive system is still developing. They were just born. It's normal for them to struggle with gas. They can also be swallowing extra air while they eat or while they cry.
If they have a lip tie or a tongue tie or a latch problem, this can cause extra gas. If they have any sort of intolerances, this can cause extra gas. So first, make sure that you're addressing any sort of lip tie, tongue tie, intolerance, that sort of thing. But this gas can end up [00:12:00] causing them to wake more frequently at night because they're uncomfortable, right?
They seem in pain. They sort of wake up with a sudden jerk and a sudden cry. . Maybe they make a funny face or they sort of squeeze and jerk their body. This can mean that they may be uncomfortable from gas during the night.
So make sure you're focusing on getting nice burps out after every feed, you should be burping your baby after their feeds. Spend some time getting a nice burp out before you're laying them back down.
Also throughout the day add things in, like bicycle kicks and tummy massage. Tummy time really helps with gas. I recommend making sure you're watching for those signs of lip tie, tongue tie, reflux, because these are things that are going to cause discomfort at night and cause more wake up than necessary with your newborn.
Okay. Finally, what can we actually expect from our newborns? Let's set some realistic expectations
so that you know what we're looking at here, [00:13:00] it is completely normal for your baby to wake up every two to three hours for the first month or so, and then every three to four hours after that until four plus months old. So. Yes. Once again, you'll hear about those newborns who magically sleep eight hours straight.
You will hear about those newborns that get those longer stretches. And is that ideal to get a six to eight hour stretch? Absolutely. Are there things we can do to help get those six to eight hour stretches?
Yes, and not every baby will get them that first month. Your wake up and feeds maybe every two to three hours after the first month. I like to see that they're at least every three to four hours apart during the night.
But it's gonna be normal for your baby to need two to three night feeds for quite a while until four or five months old. If your baby is waking more frequently than every three [00:14:00] hours, after that first month or so, make sure you head over to the Sleep By Alex membership. You'll have instant access to the first four months guide.
So today I talked about four things that contribute to newborn sleep, but there are many, many more. So this guide lays out. Everything you need to know about newborn sleep, and then as a member, you can then just shoot me a message. Let me know what you have going on with your newborn. I'll ask you a hundred questions and we'll make sure that we figure out how we can get you and your newborn sleeping longer.
The link is in the show notes for all of that information. Thank you so much for tuning in. Once again, send this podcast to your friends who might be curious about listening along my baby sleep journey once this baby's born, and we'll chat next week.
