pod ep 22 - too many contact naps?
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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well. Hey everyone. Happy Tuesday. Thanks for coming back for yet another week.
I'm a little bit sleepy. My brain feels like a mush right now, but I am sipping on some coffee, hopefully that kicks me into gear and once we really get going into this episode, hopefully my brain will kick on and I'll just be able to go.
In case you don't follow me on Instagram. Um, I am 36 weeks along now. It's getting really exciting. We are approaching. Meeting this baby. I can't believe it. All of a sudden it's really hitting me that, of course, I'm so ready to be done being pregnant. You know how that last month can go. But I am also like, oh boy, wow.
I'm doing this whole baby thing [00:01:00] again in a matter of. A few weeks, which I cannot wait to hold this baby in my arms. But also the reality of just having a newborn is definitely hitting me. So I'm excited, but I have all of those mixed feelings as far as transitioning from three to four kids, and it feels different this time around.
We just have more going on as a family. When this baby is born, my other kiddos were just little. Every time I brought a baby home, we weren't yet in elementary school, we weren't yet doing team sports. And now when I bring this baby home, you know, I've got two kiddos that still need to go to school every single day.
We have soccer, we have dance class., We have this, we have that. I don't know if you know this as well. If you don't know me personally, you may not. That we're also building a brand new house from the dirt, and this has been a really long process. The lot was bought literally years ago now, but of course, we're starting to build the [00:02:00] foundation.
Well, my husband is starting to build the foundation. In one week. So as I'm about to give birth, we're also finally starting to build our like dream home at the same time, which is really exciting, but also, wow, there is a lot going on. So I. I cannot wait to meet this baby, and I'm trying to wrap my head around like, wow, what is life going to look like here?
I am really excited to see what it's gonna look like, but also, you know, just trying to plan in my head how I'm going to take care of myself, stay sane and survive all at the same time. I'll definitely keep you updated as I go. I'll be, you know, podcasting each week and letting you know how sleep's going and letting you know how transitioning to four kids is going.
So subscribe if you haven't already. Stay tuned. . I will get into all of that as the time comes.
We're so ready for this baby. I had my checkup. The baby is head down, ready to go, baby. Definitely [00:03:00] dropped a few days ago
and I can't wait to meet them in just a few short weeks. Because I have newborns and baby sleep really, really on my mind as I approach having my own newborn once again.
I've just been thinking of these topics in my head that I want to share with you. So this week we're going to talk a little bit more about something that happens a lot in the newborn stage contact nap. So today I'll talk about. Contact naps. Kind of everything you need to know. Is there such thing as too many contact naps?
When are they beneficial? When do they not work so well for us? When should we move away from contact naps? And then I'll throw in like my favorite top tips as far as practicing independent naps in your baby's kbo bassinet.
So let's just jump right into it. Contact naps, meaning you hold your baby as they nap. I assume everybody knows that, but I should just define that. I guess. If you hold your baby for a nap or wear them in a carrier, then [00:04:00] I would consider that being a contact nap. You have some sort of contact on your body to their body.
It is always a hot topic with the people I chat with and the people I work with because some people love contact naps, right? Some people just soak in every little snuggle and love every moment, and then others definitely can feel trapped by them. They can long for independent sleep. And what I'm here to say is both feelings are completely valid.
And they could actually exist at the same time. I'm somebody who of course, loves to snuggle my babies. Like what? Who doesn't love a good baby? Snuggle from your own baby. And I'm also somebody who longs to be able to put my baby down for a nap. Predictably, I'm a little bit set up that way in my head. I like predictability.
I like schedules. I like to know I can lay my baby down. I'm gonna take a good nap. So I love [00:05:00] contact naps. And also long for those times when we get to the age where I can put them down in their bed and know that they'll take a decent nap and I get a little bit of a break and my hands free, and then I can pick them back up and hold them in my arms probably the rest of the day as they're awake, right?
So I definitely have both of those feelings existing simultaneously. It's okay if you do as well. You do not need to feel guilty for wanting to put your baby down. Sometimes we spend 24 hours a day taking care of these little beings, and so it is normal to start to feel a little bit burnt out, or it is normal to also just feel like you need to take care of yourself to be a better parent.
So in order to take take care of ourselves, sometimes we need to have at least a little bit of hands-free time. So we're gonna talk about that today. I'll start off by talking about contact naps, spoiling your baby, and I put that word in quotes, spoiling like we all know we're not spoiling a baby.
But what I mean by that [00:06:00] is are too many contact naps making it hard for my baby to sleep any other way, right? Am I doing too many contact naps? Is this going to cause an issue for me in the future? Is my baby only going to be contact napping forever? Now? Is there such thing as having too many contact naps?
So let's start there.
As usual, I'm going to break this down into two categories. First, I'll chat newborns, then I'll chat. If your baby is four. Plus months old, right? Like four to 24 months old. So. If you have a newborn, zero to three months before they turn four months, that's technically what I consider a newborn when it comes to the sort of sleep world.
Let me be so clear, you cannot spoil your newborn. Again, I use that word in quotes, but I'm just gonna use it because it's simple and you know what I'm talking about. You cannot spoil a newborn, so rocking your newborn to sleep. Implementing frequent [00:07:00] contact naps, all of that is not going to ruin their ability to have future independent sleep skills.
Why is that? Well, because before four months old babies are just not able to learn to self-soothe consistently. Okay? This means that most likely they're gonna need extra help from you to get to sleep and stay asleep. They are not developmentally ready to learn how to fall asleep and stay asleep completely independently.
You can rock them to sleep. You can hold them for contact naps. You can wear them in a carrier without worrying that you're going to ruin them or spoil them. Okay.
We have to meet our babies where it's developmentally appropriate. Just like we wouldn't expect a newborn to learn how to walk, we can't expect them to take all of their naps on their own and fall asleep and independently. With that being said, does that mean that we don't practice [00:08:00] skills that we're gonna wanna build on later so that they can sleep independently later?
Absolutely not. We still wanna practice the skills, so just like learning to walk. If you hold your baby 24 hours a day and never give them floor time, they're gonna take a lot longer to develop the skills that they need to eventually learn how to walk. We're not expecting them to walk as a newborn, but there are skills that they need to start to practice that are going to eventually turn into walking, right?
They still need floor time. They need tummy time. They need to learn to push their head up off of the ground. They need to learn to roll side to side. They need to learn to roll completely over. Eventually as they get older, that's going to turn into them learning how to be up on their hands and knees, learning how to crawl, learning how to pull themselves up, learning how to cruise, and eventually learning how to walk right.
So we're not expecting a newborn to walk, but we should still be practicing [00:09:00] little skills that will eventually lead to learning to walk in the future. Sleep is the same, so yes, we are not expecting newborns to initiate sleep independently, take consistent naps in their crib all by themselves all day.
Not need night feeds or help extending their naps or needing to be rocked back to sleep in the middle of the night, right? They're going to need these things, and that doesn't mean it's not important to practice some little independent stepping stones so that when you get to the point of wanting independent sleep, they've already had the exposure and the stepping stones to get you there quicker, right?
While contact naps can feel beautiful and enjoyable in the newborn months, it can also feel a little bit overwhelming if your baby will only nap in your arms.
It's really normal for newborns to want contact naps, but it's also beneficial to practice some crib or bassinet naps as well. Your baby is going to be used [00:10:00] to what they practice, so if your goal is eventually naps in the crib or the bassinet here and there at least. Then you're gonna wanna expose your baby to the crib or bassinet.
Any little practice that they get in there, even if it's 20 minutes a day, is going to be beneficial. It's going to help them get used to the environment. It's going to expose them to sleeping somewhere other than on somebody's body, and it's going to help you transition to some independent naps when it's age appropriate in a much smoother and easier way.
So how do we practice independent naps with newborns?
Now, of course, every newborn period is so different. They all have different needs. They all eat, sleep, and play in different ways, and some might even be struggling with discomfort, like reflux lip ties, tongue ties, gas. But I wanna give you my top five tips for practicing at least some independent naps with your newborn so that you're on the right track for future independent sleep.
[00:11:00] The first thing you're gonna wanna do is swaddle your baby. Tip number one is swaddle your baby. Your newborn startle reflex is very, very strong. At this age, newborns tend to jerk squirm, startle, wake themselves up frequently. It is important to swaddle them nice and snug before laying them down for a nap.
If your baby seems to fight the swaddle or not, enjoy it. Keep practicing. This is really going to help you with independent sleep and longer stretches of sleep. When it comes to naps and nights, I.
Tip number two is to follow their age appropriate wake, windows and sleepy cues. So getting your newborn down for a nap before they become overtired will make it much easier to successfully implement an independent nap. Most newborns are only really going to be awake somewhere between 45 and 90 minutes.
Before needing a nap. So it's important to use your baby's sleepy cues in [00:12:00] combination with an age appropriate wake window to get them down for that nap before they become overtired. If you can get your baby's sweet spot, then that's going to help them fall asleep and stay asleep much easier. Tip number three for an independent nap with your newborn is to transfer them super carefully.
Once you have your baby all swaddled up and you rock them fully to sleep, when you go to transfer them to the criber bassinet, that can be the tricky stage, right? So try holding them on their. Side as close to your body for as long as possible. So your baby's all swaddled up, they're rocked asleep, you're holding them on their side, facing you, touching your chest or abdomen, whatever.
And you're gonna lean over the bassinet and hold them onto you on their side for as long as possible before laying them down as you sort of approach the bassinet or the bed, whatever you're trying to lay them on. Lay your baby down side. First, slowly roll them to their back [00:13:00] while keeping your hands on them.
So as you roll them to their back, you're gonna wanna keep your hand on their chest, add a little pressure, or jostle them back and forth for a minute to ensure that they stay asleep. You can stroke their eyebrows a little bit, stroke the bridge of their nose. This is all going to help ensure that they're staying asleep in the transfer.
If you have a baby who's really hard to transfer without waking up, you can also practice laying them down before they're fully asleep. So try swaddling them up and rocking them and snuggling them until they're really drowsy, almost asleep. Lay them down before they're asleep, and then sit there with your hand on their chest.
Jostling them back and forth, stroking their eyebrows in the bridge of their nose, shushing, offering the pacifier, trying to help them get from that drowsy to a sleep state in the bassinet. And then we don't risk that sort of transfer. Wake up.
Tip number four for practicing this independent nap with your newborn is practice in the [00:14:00] morning. The first nap of the day is usually going to be the first to solidify. It's the easiest one to practice with as the day goes on. It's really normal for those crib naps to become trickier.
So if you want to just start by practicing once a day and you do the first nap of the morning, and then the rest are on you, great. That is an amazing start. Do that for a week or two. The more practice your baby gets, the more they are going to get used to it, the faster they're going to start to associate that space with sleeping as well as your arms.
They're gonna get used to sleeping somewhere. That's not necessarily holding them upright, that's not necessarily moving. All of these things take practice and they're new for your baby, so don't expect it to work in the first few days seamlessly. Right? You've gotta stay consistent. Practice in the morning if you can.
At least that first nap of the day. Every day can be a great start. If you feel like you're a week or two into that and you're ready to start practicing more, great. Try the first two naps of the day and see how that [00:15:00] goes. You can always help your baby catch up on sleep with contact naps for the rest of the day if it feels like that's what they need.
And speaking of helping them with contact naps, my last and probably most important tip for practicing crib naps with your newborn is help your baby extend their naps. So try not to be discouraged by a short crib or bassinet nap. Even 20 minutes in the bassinet is a win. You guys, when you can. Rock your baby back to sleep if they wake up after a short nap.
So in this case, anything less than an hour, I would consider a short nap. An hour is sort of like the goal, the pie in the sky, hopefully each nap is close to an hour. If your baby sleeps 20 minutes, 30 minutes in the bassinet. Take that as a total win that's 20 or 30 minutes you had to yourself that you didn't before, and then pick them up and spend 10 to 15 minutes seeing if you can help them get back to sleep to help them extend their nap to at [00:16:00] least an hour.
If they fall back asleep, you can just finish off with a contact nap. You can hold them for the rest of the nap. If you wanna try laying them back down, you totally can, but just know that that does, you know, bring the risk of them waking up. So even just the first 20 or 30 minutes being in the bassinet and the rest of the nap being on you is such a win in the newborn period.
And before I move on to four plus months old, if you're wondering about age appropriate wake windows, sleepy cues.
The discomfort stuff like lip tie, tongue tie, gas reflux, how to help extend your baby's nighttime stretches of sleep. How to set your baby up for success for the best sleep possible. Check out my first four months guide. I'll put the link in the show notes, check out that guide. That's everything I'm going to be following with my newborn in just a few weeks.
So if you're wondering what I'm gonna be doing, it's all laid out in the first four months guide in the show notes.
Okay, now let's talk about if your baby is no longer a [00:17:00] newborn. Your baby is four, six, eight, twelve months old, Are contact naps spoiling your older baby or ruining their chances of sleeping independently. If your older baby has already learned the skill of independent sleep initiation, meaning maybe you did some sort of sleep training process, they already know how to be laid in their bed, fall asleep independently, nap for an hour on their own, in their crib.
Then occasional contact naps are not going to wreck those skills, right? If you throw in a contact nap once every handful of days or whatever, you are not going to ruin those already foundational skills that they have. Now, if you start doing contact naps frequently, or if your baby has not yet learned.
The independent sleep skills of falling asleep and staying asleep on their own in their bed, then absolutely your baby can learn to rely on contact naps, which can make any sort of crib [00:18:00] nap. Feel really tricky.
So how do you start to practice independent naps with your four plus month old?
Well, of course most of the things I explained about newborns can apply to older babies as well, except for the fact that you probably aren't able to swaddle them anymore. So if your baby is showing signs of rolling. And most that are over the age of four months are not swaddled anymore anyways, so make sure that your baby is not in the swaddle if they're showing signs of rolling and it's no longer safe for them to be swaddled.
But as far as following their age, appropriate wake windows, transferring them carefully, practicing in the morning, helping your baby extend their naps, these are all still really helpful when it comes to four plus month olds. But the one thing I will say is there is a shift in the way your baby sleeps at around four months old, hence the four month sleep regression.
And while you can definitely still be rocking your baby to sleep for nap time at four months old, [00:19:00] I just want you to be aware that number one, it can get a lot harder. To rock older babies to sleep and transfer them successfully, so that part can get a lot harder. Your baby is just way more aware of their surroundings.
Sometimes rocking them to sleep can actually become more stimulating as they get older. It gets harder, they get bigger. They take a longer time to fall asleep. There are many reasons why helping your baby to sleep after four months old can tend to get trickier and because of the shift in your baby's sleep around four months old.
They may continue to only sleep like 30, 40 minutes max at a time in their crib if you are rocking, feeding, or padding them to sleep in any way.
This is because of the nature of your baby's sleep cycles. A nap sleep cycle is usually going to be 30 to 45 ish minutes. So if your baby falls asleep in your arms or falls asleep while feeding or falls asleep while being padded, and then you successfully transfer them, or you [00:20:00] successfully leave them in the crib and walk away, then it's very, very likely that they're gonna wake up 30 minutes later.
And they're gonna want whatever they needed at the beginning of nap to fall asleep, right? They're gonna look around and say, where the heck am I? Where are my booty pats? Where's my food? Where's my parent rocking me? Right? So you can of course, pick them up and help them extend their nap. Or if after four months you're ready for them to start napping, one to two hours completely on their own, in their crib.
Then that's when you're really gonna wanna focus on independent sleep initiation. That's the skill of it, is nap time. I can get my baby ready for bed. I can place them in their bed completely awake. I can walk out the door and they can fall asleep on their own.
This is going to be your first step towards those longer, more predictable crib naps.
And if you're wondering how to do this, I lay it all out step by step in [00:21:00] over 20 videos in my four to 24 months course. So if you're wanting to check out the course and implement everything on your own, I've linked it in the show notes.
We can get you moving away from contact naps if that's what you're ready for, and moving on to more consistent nap schedule where you can lay your baby down knowing they're gonna sleep an hour or two. How amazing would that be? If you're wanting a little bit of guidance back and forth with me while implementing the tips from the four to 24 months course, then you can join the Sleep by Alex membership instead.
So the membership automatically gives you access to the course as long as you're a member, so you can either buy the course outright and just have it for yourself. Or you can choose to join the membership and that will give you access to the course and the first four months guide and anything and everything I've ever created is on there.
In addition to being able to send me your questions and message back and forth with me every day and come to my life calls and all of that good stuff. [00:22:00] So it really depends on how much support you'd like for which option you should go with.
But either way, we will get your sleep on the right track.
So just to recap, are contact naps spoiling your baby? Well, if you have a newborn, definitely not. If you have an older baby and contact naps work for you and you are totally okay with the way sleep looks right now, then you should keep doing contact naps and not worry about crip naps.
But if you have an older baby and you're feeling like you're ready for some crib naps and you're ready for some one to two hour naps, then that's when it could be time to make a change because your older baby can get used to only needing that contact in order to sleep.
Thank you everyone for tuning in this week. Remember, if you ever have a topic or a question that you would like me to cover on this podcast, you can always send me a message at Sleep by Alex [email protected]. Let me know what you have going on. I'd be happy to make it into a podcast episode and send you [00:23:00] an answer.
Also, don't forget to subscribe because in just a few short weeks, I'm gonna bring a new baby home and I'm going to share my sleep journey with you.
If I go MIA for a week or two, then maybe you'll know that I've had the baby and I'm just trying to gather myself a little bit before coming back from my first episode. Thank you so much for tuning in. I will chat to you next week.
