ep 20 crib to toddler bed
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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well. Okay, we did it. It's official. Cal has been sleeping in his toddler bed in the room with his two older siblings for, hmm, a little over a week now, like eight or nine days.
This week I'm going to give a quick overview on how it went for us. I'll let you know the highs and the lows, and there have been some lows. Trust me.
And I'm actually going to take the rest of this episode to break down everything you really need to know when you're going to move your toddler out of their crib and into a quote unquote big kid bed or a toddler bed.
So a little over a week in, and here is how it's going.
He's not climbing out of his bed. He's not running out of his room.
He is falling asleep really [00:01:00] well at nap time now when he is in there by himself, he is still protesting a bit as far as going to sleep at bedtime, so sometimes that can look like actually crying out for me or wanting me to go back in there. Sometimes that looks like him standing up and acting all crazy to try and get his siblings to laugh at him or engage with him in any way.
Or sometimes he is like, I need something. I need something. So I'll get into all of this and how I've addressed it as these things pop up. But we're a little over a weekend, like I said, nap time, falling asleep really easily, really quickly now. He doesn't climb out of his bed or anything or protest, going to sleep bedtime.
He's staying in his bed, which is great. He's not climbing out and coming out of the room. He's not playing around in his room or anything like that. He's just taking a long time to fall asleep because there's three of them in there, I think he just wants to like chat with them and play with them, [00:02:00] and they're actually getting really good at just kind of ignoring him, which is great.
But he's still, you know, for up to an hour just hanging out, not going to sleep, and. Once he falls asleep though he's good all night. The only reason I ever have to pop in there in the middle of the night still is if like his blanket falls off his bed and he can't figure out how to get it back on nicely.
So I'm gonna be looking into some different blanket options 'cause that's the only hurdle I've had to deal with in the middle of the night is the blanket sliding off the bed, which I didn't foresee for some reason. I dunno if it's just this blanket I got him is like slippery or something, but it just falls off really easily.
And as he like turns over and kicks and then in the middle of the night as he's half asleep, he's looking for his blanket and he is crying and it's on the ground and he can't figure out how to like put it on himself the right way. And you know, I don't know. So I'm gonna be looking into solutions for that and I will keep you updated on that.
Maybe I need to get him that, zipper bedding that just zips him in and it won't go anywhere, but we'll see.
[00:03:00] Overall though for us only being a week or so in going much better than I thought, everybody's sleeping. We're getting into the routine. It's not so like new and exciting anymore for them, and I know it'll only get better and better as time goes on and he'll start falling asleep faster and faster.
As far as how I transitioned him in there without him ever like running out of the room or without needing to lay with him until he falls asleep or anything like that,
I will go into that next. So what I'll do next is go over everything you kind of need to know before and during the process of moving your child from a crib to a toddler bed. And then , I'll give a little input on the how I address this with Calvin when these issues may have popped up.
So first and foremost, such an important question to be answered before anything else is when should my child move out of their crib? Right? So when is it best that this transition takes place [00:04:00] if it's too early? Many, many of these tips are not going to work like they're intended to. Okay? Yes, every toddler, every family, they're all different.
There's different reasons you may be thinking about moving your child out of their crib into a big kid bed or whatever you wanna call it,
but the timing can be pretty critical. So when to do it. The first thing to note is it's best to do it when they're at least three years old or as close to three years old as you can get. So most toddlers will probably stay in their crib until at least two years old, but research actually shows that the transition is.
Way more successful if your child is closer to three years old before this age. It is hard for them and tricky for them to understand the concept that they need to stay in their bed all night long. If you're transitioning your 18 month old or even like fresh 2-year-old. I know that they're smart and they're learning so many things [00:05:00] and they're learning to talk and they can walk and they can run and they can understand so much, but this is a big one for them to understand and have the self-control to stay in their bed for 10 to 12 hours straight at night.
So really the longer you can wait as close to three years old as you can, the better. All that being said, if your child is safe and happy in their crib, there's no need to transition them right when they turn three. It's not required or anything, but it's just a good sort of marker to shoot for.
They can definitely be in there longer.
Another reason you may transition your toddler from a crib to a bed is if they're climbing out of their bed frequently and consistently, the crib is no longer safe. If your child is able to continually climb out of it, we just don't want them falling or hurting themselves.
But before you move your toddler, if they climbed out first, make sure it's not just a fluke. It's not something they randomly did one time and they're never gonna do ever again. Let's [00:06:00] make sure this is actually something they can do consistently and it's gonna start happening and we're feeling unsafe about it.
We definitely wanna keep them safe. You also want to make sure your crib mattress is on the lowest possible setting. It should already be there if your child is a toddler and is standing up in their crib. But double check. Look at the instructions, look at the crib. Make sure you have it on the lowest possible setting that the curb can go.
Because maybe they're able to climb out because they're too high up. And if your baby is an early climber, let's say you have a 16 or 17 month old who's climbing outta the crib, right? Some of those toddlers are just built differently. And they're not necessarily developmentally ready for that toddler bed. You may even choose to use a monitor that you can set up an alert when your child is trying to climb out.
So there's a few baby monitors out there that you can set a little boundary on the camera and then it will set off an alarm to your phone to let you know that your toddler [00:07:00] is crossing that boundary. So again, it's gonna take some diligence on you if you're gonna do that route to keep them safe.
Make sure if you hear them trying to climb out and the alarm's going off, you're running in there and grabbing them before they can climb all the way out.
But this can be a way to prolong the transition if your child's really young. And sort of get them past this stage hopefully, where it's not a huge deal and they're not climbing out at all, just so they can be in there a little bit longer. But anyways, if they're consistently climbing out and it's no longer safe, then it's probably time to transition to a toddler bed or a bigger bed ahead.
The final reason you may transition your toddler outta their crib is because you have a new sibling on the way and you need the crib, and your child is going to be three years old or really close to it. So a new baby is often gonna be the number one reason why parents move their toddlers outta their crib.
Understandably. If you don't need to buy two cribs, why would you? Right. Save the money. We already have a crib. Let's just move the toddler. But please, please listen to me for one minute. [00:08:00] A new sibling should not hopefully be the only reason you are moving your toddler out of their crib. If your child is not going to be close to at least two and a half or three when you'll need the crib for your next baby.
If your child is going to be a lot younger than that, you may wanna consider investing in a second crib. I know it's a pain and I know we're all in different situations. You know your child and your family best make a decision that feels right for you guys, but don't let just the sibling coming be the only reason your're transitioning your toddler outta their bed if they're younger than that, two and a half to three years old.
For example, here's how I made the decision. In two separate occasions when my second baby was born, my first was only 20 months old, so he wasn't even two yet, even if I didn't necessarily need the crib until, let's say his little sister was six months old, my toddler would've been 26 months old.
. That's really freshly too, and it was worth it for me to just buy the second crib, not have to [00:09:00] stress about all those tricky transitions happening at once. And dealing with the big kid bed. My toddler just turned two. We have a new baby in the family. All of that made buying a second crib just worth it for us.
And he ended up getting his use out of it. He stayed in his crib until he was three years old. And then when he was three, I just took the front railing off the crib and he slept in the same bed for another about year until he was four years old.
And eventually I got him bunk beds and that's when he moved to a different bed. So in that situation, it was really worth it for me to just have two cribs and it was what it was. On the other hand, where it might not be worth it for you is, for example, my fourth baby on the way.
When this baby is born, my youngest Cal, he's gonna be turning three. The baby is due. About two weeks before Calvin's third birthday. So they're a lot farther apart in age than my first two were. He is so much more developmentally ready to move to a big kid bed. He's gonna be three. And because [00:10:00] of the space in our house now, I'm not going from one to two kids.
I'm going from three to four kids and we don't have a huge house, and I no longer have space for two cribs. So no, he wasn't climbing out of his crib. Things were going perfectly fine in his crib, but he's gonna be turning three when the baby's born. And space-wise, two cribs just isn't going to work for us this time around. So in this case, we chose to just transition him to a toddler bed and use the crib for the new coming baby.
Okay, so let's say you've decided yes, you're ready for your toddler to move out of their crib. What are the next steps? What do we do? And by the way, before I go into this, if you are a Sleep by Alex member, so you're part of the online membership. Then there's actually a whole downloadable crib to toddler bed guide where I lay out every single step and I break it all down into details.
I include frequently asked questions, everything you need to know about this process. So today is like a scratch the surface brief [00:11:00] overview. But if you're a member. You decide to join, go ahead and check out that download. You have it in there, and it'll be super helpful for you as you make this transition.
Or maybe you've already made the transition and you're wondering kind of where you went wrong. That guide is really helpful, but I will briefly go over those steps now and then the details are covered in the guide. So the first thing you wanna do is set up your child's sleep environment. You want to make sure it's safe for your child to be out of their bed while you are asleep.
So, obvious things, of course, like they can't get out the front door and whatnot. But also their room, everything that's in their room should be safe for them to use without you watching them or without you in there. Make sure their furniture is anchored to the wall so they're not gonna climb on something and hurt themselves.
It's also helpful to set up an okay to wake clock, so if you don't know what this is, it's a clock that will turn a certain light when it's okay for your child to get up out of their bed. This can help your child understand [00:12:00] when they're supposed to be in bed and when they're able to get up. Our okay to wake clock is red when you're supposed to be in bed, and then it turns green at the time that it's okay in the morning for them to get up out of bed.
You really, really need one of these. If you're gonna be transitioning to a toddler bed, just trust me on this, okay? You've set up the environment, you've made sure it's safe. You have your okay to wake clock.
The next step is getting your toddler a little bit excited about the process. Let them know it's coming with some advanced notice without stressing them out too much. Give them a couple weeks notice that they will be moving from a crib into a new toddler bed or their bigger bed or whatever you end up calling it.
And then every few days just mention it. Casually here and there, just so they know it's coming. You don't need to talk about it constantly. You don't need to stress them out about it, but don't spring it on them the day of. As a surprise, you really wanna prep them for this. This is a big change. It can also be helpful to put them in charge of something small, like if they can order new sheets for their bed, [00:13:00] or maybe you're gonna let them pick out a new nightlight or a new stuffed animal they can have in their new bed.
Something that is exciting for them and they get to choose. They feel in charge, and they feel like they're a part of the process. Okay. The most important step of moving your toddler out of their crib and into a bed is you have to set clear expectations and boundaries, and then.
Here's the catch. You have to actually hold the boundaries consistently. Wa wa. I know it sucks. It's hard and it works. This is the hardest part. Believe me. I know. But this is the only thing that's going to help you be successful in this transition. You really need to make it very clear and teach your toddler exactly what to expect when it comes to bedtime and the middle of the night.
Using tools like a bedtime routine chart, you're okay to wake clock. These are crucial. I've laid out exactly how to implement these tools in that crib to tell their bed guide and the membership. [00:14:00] So if you're curious about really step-by-step, here's how to use these, go check that out. But you really need to set expectations about.
Where they're sleeping, when they're sleeping, what your bedtime routine looks like. Who's gonna be in there when they fall asleep on their on their own? Are you with them? How many books are you reading before bed? When can they get up out of their bed? When they do get up out of their bed and they're not supposed to, what's going to happen?
We have to make it clear for them, and then we have to hold these boundaries in a consistent way. This transition will go so much more smoothly if you can do this.
So once again, I've laid out exactly how to implement, for example, a bedtime routine chart in the Okay to wait clock in the guide. Um, oh, you know what? I haven't mentioned this in a while. I've been forgetting to, but if you're curious about the membership and you're not yet in there. You can also use the code podcast at checkout.
So the coupon code, just use podcast when you're checking out and it'll give you half off your first month. So if you wanna join right now with the code [00:15:00] podcast, you can download the guide right away. You can stay as long as you want, or you can cancel any time. That will give you half off your first month in the membership.
If you wanna check out any of the resources I ever talk about on here.
Okay, so here's how all of this went down when I implemented these little tips with Calvin
for a week or two before the transition, I just gave him a little warning about what was coming. Like, Hey, in a couple weeks, pretty soon you're gonna be moving out of your crib and you're going to be moving into Bodhi and Parker's room, and you're gonna be sharing a room with them, and you're gonna have a toddler bed.
You'll no longer be sleeping in your crib. I am just briefly setting it up so he knows what to expect and he knows that it's coming soon
after that, I'm not mentioning it every day, all day. I don't wanna cause extra anxiety and stress him out about it, but every few days I just throw it out there like, oh my goodness. Pretty soon we're gonna be saying goodbye to our crib and moving into our big toddler bed. Something along those lines.
Then as the day was approaching, I let him look on Amazon on my phone and pick new bedding to [00:16:00] go on his toddler bed. He's obsessed with Monster Truck, so he picked a monster truck, blanket and pillow. Of course he did. This was the one little thing I allowed him to pick out that was new and made it exciting for him when his new bed would be put altogether.
I made sure he had his okay to wake clock in there. Then I taught him about the okay to wake clock. This is your special light, just like your big siblings have. When your light is red, it's time to stay in bed. When your light turns green, you can wake up and you can come out and you can come see mom.
Once again, I've laid out how to practice all of this with your child before the actual day of in that guide. And honestly, the first night with Calvin went pretty terribly and not because of anything that the kids were really doing well, they were definitely being cuckoo, don't get me wrong, but I was feeding into it way more than I ever had planned to sometimes.
It's just hard when you get caught up and you're stressed out and you're second guessing yourself.
I was thinking, Ugh, [00:17:00] should I have moved him to a toddler bed? Did I do this too early? Should I have waited until after the baby was born? Technically, I don't need the crib right now. Right? I was just spiraling that first night and me spiraling was not helping my interactions with the kids during bedtime.
And I was honestly just doing way too much, , which made bedtime last way longer than it needed to. So basically what happened is we all got ready for bed. We did our usual bedtime routine. , all three of them were in their room and I say goodnight, and then they just start going crazy.
Okay. They're just excited. About this very new thing. Calvin's in their room, they're giggling, they're making jokes, they're laughing. Calvin's jumping up and down on his bed, they're yelling, they're being super loud. And of course, you know what I do the opposite of what I tell people to do. But you know, things are just harder when they're your own kids.
I keep going in there and saying, you guys, no one's gonna be able to sleep [00:18:00] if you keep yelling. I am trying to be nice and calm, but really deep down I am thinking everybody needs to shut up and go to bed. Of course, I didn't say that, that was just in my head, but
every few minutes, I would pop in there and remind them, Hey, we're supposed to be going to bed right now. You need to chill out. Your body is never gonna be able to fall asleep if you're acting all crazy. We need to tell our bodies that sleep is coming. That's what we always say in our house, and with me popping in there every few minutes reminding them what they should be doing.
It just made them stay awake for way longer. Of course. I was adding fuel to the fire. I was holding onto my side of the rope and we were in a tug of war. I fell straight into the power struggle of wanting them to be quiet and go to sleep because I just. I'm drained. I have another baby that's gonna be born really soon, and I was questioning whether I made the right decision, and this was just not putting me in my [00:19:00] right head space to address this appropriately.
In these moments, sometimes we're stressed and we're tired and we just wanna go to bed, and I'm pregnant, and I'm just thinking, oh no, what did I do? I just ruined everything right before I'm about to have a baby. I was just spiraling. So finally all said and done. When they fell asleep, it was quite late.
It was like an hour and a half hour, 45 minutes later, it was maybe 9 45. By the time Calvin actually fell asleep, which is late for him, I think we started the process at like eight or eight 15. And once he was asleep, it was okay. I think I had to go in there once or twice to fix his blanket, but he stayed in his bed all night and it was all good.
So the second night I had a little pep talk with myself. Okay, Alex, if you were going to have a consultation with yourself right now, what would you say? Because I know I set up the foundation really well and as far as him getting out of bed, I was able to really hold that boundary right [00:20:00] away of making it clear like, we don't get out of bed if your light is red unless it's an emergency.
So that part it had down, but then what I like didn't foresee and didn't have down was what happens after I say goodnight, and I know everything in the moment as far as after I say goodnight. I did not go about in the right way. In the moment, I knew what I was doing wasn't the right choice, but sometimes you just get caught up in these power struggles, right?
So the second night I gave myself a little pep talk and I prepped myself much, much better. 'cause I was not gonna let this go on for more than one night. I said, Alex, okay, do less, the less I go in there and try and control what they're doing. The better. I need to let go of the worry that they're not laying down, they're not going to sleep, they're not being quiet.
I need to just let them sort of get it out. This is new. This is exciting. Yeah. I'm gonna hold a boundary that we need to be safe. I'm not gonna allow them to throw things around the room or come out of the room or go on each other's [00:21:00] bed and start wrestling or something like that. But if they're giggling and they're laughing and they're joking.
And maybe even Cal is standing up on his bed, he's dancing like, okay, let him get it out. Don't make a big deal about it. 'cause the more I pop in there and make a big deal about it, the more they're going to do that. We learned that very quickly the first night. So the second night I told myself, you don't need to go in there unless someone's crying for you, right?
They really need you, or they need something, or things are getting completely out of control and unsafe.
And you guys, it took half the amount of time. For them to go to sleep. They got it out of their system. They were silly for a little while, for sure. And then the older two, and if you don't know, they're five and six years old, they just started kind of ignoring Cal. They went back to reading their books and listening to their stories, and Calvin was still trying to be silly, but they [00:22:00] were like.
Okay, dude, we're over it. We're gonna go to bed. And they started just ignoring him, which was great. It was like the key to Cal going to sleep, right? So rather than taking what was over probably an hour and a half, the first night, it was down to about 45 minutes from start to finish, that Cal finally fell asleep.
So already some good feedback that the less that I do, the better let go of your side of the power struggle. Okay? We set the boundaries. We set the limits. I wasn't gonna allow them to come out of the room or be in each other's beds being crazy. Roughhousing or throwing things or anything like that. But if they're gonna be loud and silly and they need to get that out and this is just a new and exciting thing for them, then fine.
Let them do it. And the less attention I give it, the faster it's actually going to just pass. Ever since then. Nights are really similar. Cal usually tries to be a little [00:23:00] silly in the beginning, but the older kids are really over it and they just read their books and listen to their stories.
And they kind of just let Cal do his thing. And because they're not really giving him the feedback and attention that he wants from being silly at bedtime, he stops so much more quickly and he will try and say little things still, like, mom, I need this, or Mom, I need that.
So I've set clearly what he can have in his bed. He gets a few of his monster trucks that he picks. He has his ies, he has it wormy. He already has his water bottle next to his bed. He has his Yoda player that plays stories for him, and then we're done. We're not getting up to get other things. We don't need anything else.
You don't need to get up for a sip of water 'cause your water's right here. You have your three monster trucks. That's all you can fit in your bed.
So if he's calling for me or crying for me, I'll wait a few minutes. I'll go in, I'll pop my head in. [00:24:00] I'm just trying to make it short and sweet and boring. If he's saying I need another monster truck, I just make it very clear right away. You have all your monster trucks. We're not gonna pick anymore tonight.
But I love you. I'm gonna go get in my pajamas and brush my teeth, and when I'm all ready for bed, I will come give you one more big kiss. And sometimes he winds a little bit more as I leave and brush my teeth and get ready for bed, and I'll go check in on him and give him another kiss. Eventually he'll go to sleep and he'll step asking for things.
As long as I'm consistent and I'm not giving into all of these extra little things, he's asking for the amount of time it's taking, and the whining and the check-ins are definitely reducing over the last week. As the days go on, I'm staying consistent. He knows what to expect. He already knows what I'm gonna say When he asks for one more monster truck.
I am not gonna play into it. We're not gonna be prolonging bedtime this way. And so of course I'm still dealing with a little bit of the whining and the check-ins at bedtime, but they're getting much, much better. Last night, for example, I think [00:25:00] I went in there only one time because he said like something was itching on his head.
You know, toddlers, they find the weirdest things to say. , but besides that, it went really well and he pretty much went right to sleep.
Once again, if you join the membership and download the crib to toddler bed guide. I also answer questions like, well, what do I do if my toddler gets out of their bed? Right? I've said goodnight. I walk out of the room and now they get outta their bed and they chase after me. What do I do? What do I do if my toddler climbs into my bed in the middle of the night while I'm sleeping?
What do I do if my toddler is climbing into my bed and I don't even notice until the morning? What if I do, if my toddler is climbing into my bed in the middle of the night and I actually don't really mind them coming in my bed at night? Should I lock my toddler's door? What if I need to sit with my toddler until they fall asleep?
I answer all of these questions in that guide. So today we're scratching the surface of what you should know about this transition. I can't get into every single nitty gritty detail on a 20 [00:26:00] something minute episode, but check out the link in the show notes. Join the membership with the code podcast for half off your first month, and go ahead and read the rest of that guide.
Also toddlers are so nuanced. They're all so different from one another. This transition with Cal has been very different than when I transitioned to my older two, so none of this I'm saying is necessarily a one size fits all approach. This is what I've been doing with Cal. Toddlers can be all over the place. , if you're a member, you can actually just send me your issue that you're having with your toddler at bedtime, and I'll gladly help you set up an individualized plan that will work for you and your toddler.
We'll try some things, we'll tweak it if needed. You'll give me feedback on how it's going, and we'll get you through this process with some support. We can also absolutely do this over a consultation call. So if you feel like you just need a few tweaks at bedtime, schedule a 30 minute call and we'll get you on your way.
If it feels like you're needing to do a lot at bedtime, you need to lay with your toddler until they fall asleep and then you're [00:27:00] going in there in the middle of the night. You may need more like a 60 minute call, but we will totally work this out. Figure something out that lands well with you and your family.
Remember, there's only a few more weeks to get in your consultation calls for anything newborn to five year olds because I will be on maternity leave from the consultation calls in just a few weeks. So get that in now while you can.
I hope it was helpful today to hear a few tips and tricks for moving from a crib to a toddler bed and hear how it's been going for Cal and our family. I will definitely keep you updated as well over the next couple weeks. I'm confident that it's gonna get better and better over time, and by the time this baby is born, it won't even be a thing anymore and things will be pretty smooth sailing.
Okay? Have an amazing week and we will chat next week.
