pod ep 15 - goodbye paci
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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well.
Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you for returning once again. I appreciate each and every one of you.
. Today. We're talking getting rid of the pacifier because if you've been following along, you know, a couple weeks ago I took the pacifier away from my 2-year-old. I will first talk a little bit about best times to take away the pacifier, and then I'm just gonna give a little rundown on how it went for me, and maybe that'll help you better prepare for when you need to take it away from your baby or toddler.
First of all, before I get into it, the pacifier, if you know me, you know I'm a pacifier, pusher. I'm like, pacifiers are amazing. Such a great way that your baby can soothe without the need of you 24 7. I [00:01:00] aim for breastfeeding my babies as much as I can, and I've been lucky enough to be able to breastfeed the three of them for at least the year with some help of combo feeding.
Of course.
I am 100% happy and okay with being their source of food.
That is something I am okay with doing. Feeding them every couple hours with my body in order to help them thrive and grow. But what I'm not okay with is being their human pacifier and their only source of comfort when they are upset or cranky or overtired or need to go to sleep.
I cannot be that for them. So I specifically use breastfeeding for milk, and I do not use it for comfort.
This is where the pacifier comes in and is so helpful. I never offer the pacifier in replace of food. So of course, if they're due for a feed or they're truly hungry, I'm going to feed them. But in between those periods, you can have the pacifier if you are feeling cranky or sad or [00:02:00] tired or whatever it may be.
This has just been such a helpful thing because I've never gotten caught in that sort of cycle of being the only source of comfort all day long and being on snacking cycles all day and stuck nursing to sleep every single sleep. This is what really works for me.
That being said, if you don't wanna offer a pacifier and you are totally fine with nursing for comfort, or you have some other way that you comfort your baby, of course this doesn't only apply to breastfeeding parents, right? That is totally fine. You don't have to offer a pacifier. I'm just giving my little 2 cents on how it's worked for me with my three kids and how I plan to use it for my next baby who will be here in a couple short months.
That being said, taking away the pacifier can feel tricky for sure. It's something I dread every single time because it really helps me get solid, independent sleep through toddlerhood. So then when it finally comes the time to take that away. It's really nerve wracking because we have good sleep and everything's working really [00:03:00] well, so why change things?
But unfortunately, the pacifier is something that can't stick around forever due to the health of your toddler's mouth and teeth. Right.
Many things like lovies and sound machines aren't a huge deal to stick around for quite a while, but the pacifier does have that more strict timeline if you're worried about your toddler's, teeth and mouth.
If you do want to get rid of the pacifier, when is the best time to do it? So there's typically two sort of time periods that are the best and easiest time to get rid of the pacifier. I say easy in quotes because of course, like there's going to be some protest. And there's going to be change in habits.
And . It's not always easy or super smooth, but these two time periods are going to at least cause the least amount of sleep disturbances as possible, right? The first time period, that's the easiest to drop the pacifier without disturbing sleep too much is while sleep training between four and six [00:04:00] months.
So between four and six months is an amazing golden time to teach your baby to fall asleep independently during that period. If you do not want the pacifier to stick around, let's say you don't even use it during the day at all, or let's say you don't even wanna have to worry about it when your baby turns into a toddler.
Maybe your baby's not super attached to it and you just don't wanna deal with it. Then you may decide that during sleep training, while you're teaching your baby to fall asleep independently, you're also just gonna take away the pacifier, and they will use other forms of self-soothing to fall asleep.
Maybe they'll suck on their hands, scratch the mattress with their fingernails, rub their head back and forth on the mattress, et cetera, et cetera. They're gonna find other ways to fall asleep without the pacifier during that sleep training process between four and six months.
If you decide to keep it during the sleep training process, that's totally fine. That's what I usually decide to do. That's what I've done all three times
because it is a tool that I like to use through the [00:05:00] whole baby and toddler period.
So if you do decide to keep it around for longer. Then the next best time to drop the pacifier is going to be after two years old. So typically between two and three. Most dentists and pediatricians will say by the age of three, your toddler should not be using a pacifier anymore. And definitely around the age of one, they should only have it in their bed.
So we really wanna reduce the amount that they're using it by the time they turn around. 1-year-old, make sure it's staying in the crib or wherever they're sleeping. So that it's mainly used for sleep and not necessarily in their mouth all day long. And then as far as sleep goes, usually sometime between two and three years old is gonna be the next best time to get rid of it.
That's when your toddler is going to better or be able to understand what's going on. You can talk them through the process. You can prep them for what's coming,
and you can help them find other things that are comforting for them to fall asleep. Between that six months to two years old, is it impossible to get rid of the pacifier? No, of course not. Like [00:06:00] you can get rid of the pacifier whenever you really want to. Just know that during that time period you may have some extra protests, extra sleep disturbances.
It can just feel most tricky during that time. But of course, to each their own, if you want to do it at that age, absolutely. Please do so.
Another thing I've learned after having three kids, and of course it didn't really kick in until the third kid, is to introduce some sort of lovey or comfort item that is not a pacifier. As early as possible, and I know it's not safe for your baby to sleep with a levy before the age of one in their crib, but that does not mean that you can't use it, that you can't have it around while you're feeding them, while you're getting them ready for sleep.
I have a levy that can hook to the outside of the crib so that it's near them. They smell it. It even plays a lullaby. It plays white noise. It can play your voice, it can play certain things, and I love this lovey, . And so I used it from pretty much day one with my third baby since he was a [00:07:00] newborn.
I had it snuggled in my arms every single time I fed him. And every single time we got ready to go to sleep. And then I would hook it on the outside of his crib while he slept. And then once he was old enough and I was comfortable with him sleeping with it in the crib, then of course I just let him have it in the crib with him.
And it was so nice to have an additional. Thing that he relies on when he's sad or upset or going to sleep. That wasn't the pacifier. So for a long time, anytime he was upset, he wanted his passie and his lovey. So now it's been so, so nice as we took away the pacifier that we go, oh, but you still have your lovey.
Like, then we can refer him to his levy that he's already attached to for, you know, two and a half plus years now. So it wasn't something new that I had to like. Get him attached to while he's dropping the pacifier. This is just something that he can have for as long as he wants, right? He can sleep with a levy forever if he wants to.
No big deal. To me. It's not gonna affect his [00:08:00] health. And it was great to have that as a backup sort of comfort item. When we did take away the pacifier,
okay, so let me get into what I did to get rid of the pacifier and then how it went and how I have avoided starting any new sleep habits that I don't want sticking around, right? Because sometimes we change the routine. Now toddlers asking for something different or they're crying at bedtime and we don't know how to respond to that.
So we end up developing these new habits that now we're stuck doing. Yeah, we got rid of the pacifier, but now we are rocking them to sleep or whatever it may be. , so I'll give you a little rundown on what I did and how it went. Some things that came up. It hasn't been perfectly easy the whole time.
And how I've addressed those little things that have popped up.
And so far, we are about 10 days into this process, and I feel like we've officially sort of gotten over that hurdle. He has said goodbye to the pacifiers. He can sleep without [00:09:00] them. It's amazing and I'm so glad to be done with that transition.
So he, here's what we did. Once again, my son is. Well over two and a half now. I guess
he will be three in October, so he'll be three in just a few months
and a couple weeks before I decided that we would drop the pacifier, I started prepping him a little bit for it. So. I told him about the pacifier ferry. I introduced the pacifier ferry. I told him that in a couple weeks there's going to be a special pacifier ferry that will come to our house, and he will be able to gather all of his pacifiers and put it in a special box for her.
And leave it on the porch and say goodbye to his pacifiers. And while he sleeps, the pacifier ferry will come to our house. She'll take the pacifiers to give to other little babies who now need the pacifiers since he doesn't need them anymore. Now that he's almost three.
And she'll replace the pacifiers with a special new toy. So I started just [00:10:00] talking about this here and there. I didn't wanna talk about it too much to where it would stress him out. I wasn't mentioning it all day, every day, but every couple days I'd just be like, oh, remember in 10 days the pacifier fairy is coming?
Oh, I'm so excited to see what she brings you. And then like, that's it. Then we move on. I don't wanna stress him out about it, but I do want him to be aware it's happening. I don't wanna just surprise him on the day of and have no time for him to prep his little brain for this.
We also started reading some books about dropping the pacifier, so. There's a few I used. One is called Pacifiers Are Not Forever. One is called, I think it's No More, pacifier Duck. He really liked that one.
I don't remember what the other ones are that I used, but I will just link them in the show notes. So if you're curious about just some board books, you can literally order from Amazon to start reading over the few weeks as you approach this transition.
Totally check out that link and grab those.
Okay. Once I started preparing him, then I had to start to prepare myself to [00:11:00] implement the Pacifier Fairy right.
So when it came to picking out a present from the Pacifier Ferry, I really went into it thoughtfully. I didn't wanna just give him, give any old toy. He has plenty of toys. I wanted it to be useful for us at bedtime and at Naptime during this transition process. I wanted it to help make him more excited at bedtime and naptime to do something new instead of have his pacifier, right?
So what I decided to do was get him a Yoda Mini. This is what my two older kids use in order to fall asleep and in order to do quiet time and just anytime they wanna use them, obviously the Yoda Mini allows you to listen to hundreds and hundreds of stories and there's, there's little cards that you can buy for it, and they stick the card in the top.
They can turn it up and down, they can switch the story. It's just a nice thing for them to listen to as they drift off to sleep on their own in their room.
, he already knew [00:12:00] about his older siblings Yoda, so he's been watching them use theirs and his brother has let him borrow it a couple times to listen to like a Spider-Man story at bedtime and whatnot. So I knew this would be something that he would be excited to have his very own like, yay.
Calvin's a big boy. He is his very own Yoda, just like his brother and sister do. Right? Also, I wanted to give him something new to listen to at bedtime. So in those moments when he is probably gonna protest to go to bed, I can be like, oh my gosh, okay, grab your new Yoda. Let's go pick a story and give him something exciting to look forward to, and kind of get his mind off of the fact that he doesn't have his pacifiers.
So I ordered him the Yoda Mini and I ordered him a new story for it. I think it was Daniel Tiger Bedtime stories or something. We also have a ton of stories here, so he has plenty already to choose from. But I wanted to conclude like one new story that was more geared towards his age, and it was exciting for him [00:13:00] because it was new and it was just his, so I ordered him Daniel Tiger Bedtime stories, the Yoda Mini.
And then the little like sleeve that goes around it, you definitely need that. If you're gonna get this for your kid, it's nice 'cause it's like a protective silicone sleeve and it has a handle on it and they all three have a different color. So we know like whose is whose. 'cause you know when you're, uh, two, four, and six or two, five and six, I guess it really matters.
Which one is yours? Right.
Now, the day finally came where we were going to say goodbye to the pacifiers. I decided to do it at nap time instead of bedtime,
I did this for a couple reasons, and these are just like reasons in my own brain. You don't have to do it in nap time. You could start at bedtime. I just figured this would help make bedtime easier because being in his bed for, let's say an hour or an hour and a half at nap time and then being able to get up and see that the pacifier ferry came and like get his present was an easy win for him, right?
Being in your bed at bedtime all night long for 11 [00:14:00] hours and then finally getting that pacifier fairy gift just feels like a lot. So I wanted to give him that small win, get him excited, even if he didn't fall asleep at Naptime, like, okay, he would wake up or get up and he would get the present.
And then at bedtime, he already has that present. And I'm more concerned about him sleeping at bedtime, of course, 'cause I wanna go to bed and. If he's a little extra tired because he skipped his nap, I'm like, great. Maybe that'll help us at bedtime. I don't know. That could also backfire, of course, as you know.
But I just decided I'm gonna try for nap time first. Give him that small win of like, he stayed in his bed for an hour and a half, whether he slept or not. He got the gift, and now he gets to use the gift at bedtime.
So right before NAP, we got ready for the Pacifier Fairy. We got a little gift bag. We made cards for the Passy Fairy. So his brother and his sister all made a card for the Passy Fairy as well. I helped Calvin write a little card and he was like saying the cutest things like Pacifier fairy, please take my pasties for [00:15:00] other babies and love Calvin and.
We decorated the cards and then I had him go through the whole house and the car and like find all of his pacifiers. So he physically picked up his pacifiers, placed them into the bag. I wanted him to have that power in his hands. And we loaded them all up. And then I had him walk it to the front porch, say Goodbye, pacifiers.
Love you. Have fun with your new like baby friend. And then we closed the door and we went and got ready for a nap.
Somehow he didn't mention the pacifiers at all when it came to nap. He had no tears. He did not cry. He, we got ready for a nap as usual, just minus the pacifiers. I put 'em in his bed, said goodnight, and he didn't cry or anything. He didn't ask for them. Now, he did not take his nap, which is not like him. He is very much a napper and he's usually down within 10 minutes.
So he just rolled around for a while in his bed. He was sucking his fingers a little [00:16:00] bit. He was playing with his monster trucks because of course he has to sleep with like 10 of those. This never happens. He always falls asleep, but I didn't expect nap to be Perfect the first time he slept without the pacifier.
So I took it as a huge win that he didn't protest, he didn't cry. I had prepped him enough to where this didn't surprise him and he didn't fall asleep. But like granted, when you've been sleeping with something in your mouth for two and a half years and then all of a sudden you're trying to fall asleep without it, I'm sure that's really tricky and you're not, it's not gonna happen within an hour and a half.
Right. So we got up from nap. We went and checked that the Pacifier Ferry came, and he was so pumped and excited to have his own Yoda, . It worked so well. He thought it was amazing, and I was super, super happy with that choice.
Fast forward to bedtime. Very similar to nap time. He went down, okay. He did not cry. He did not ask for his pacifiers, but he didn't fall asleep. For like an hour and a half at [00:17:00] bedtime and he hadn't even napped that day. So I know that he was exhausted and super tired and it's been summertime, so we've been going to bed a little bit later than typical.
I think I got him in in his bed at like eight o'clock that night and he didn't fall asleep till nine 30 and without a nap. That is a one long day for the sky. But that's okay. He fell asleep without crying. Now, the middle of the night is where I had experienced some crying, these first handful of days of dropping the pacifier.
So he woke up at like one 15 crying, I need water. So I went in, I gave him some water. I was rubbing his back, and he was just whining and whining. I said, do you wanna snuggle for a little bit? And he just said, no. And then I stopped rubbing his back and I just like backed away and he instantly stopped crying and fell right back asleep.
So I was like, okay, interesting. I sat down in his rocker just for like five minutes to make sure he actually went to sleep because I am getting very pregnant and getting up and out of my bed [00:18:00] over and over again as annoying. So I was like, I'm just gonna sit here and make sure he actually went to sleep and.
He did. He went to sleep, and then I heard him whine again a few hours later. It was like four 30 or five. I just heard a little quick whine, but not enough for me to go in there, and then he woke up in the morning. Perfectly fine.
From there on out, the next few days looked similar. He took a longer time to fall asleep at nap time and bedtime. Most of these days, sometimes up to an hour, up to an hour and a half. Some days he skipped his nap altogether. He wasn't crying in there. When I put him down, he was just like rolling around and playing with a monster truck and listening to his story and just not going to sleep.
So I did not go in there. If this is happening with your toddler, I, they're not asking for anything. So if he's not crying for me, I'm not gonna stress about him falling asleep. He's in his bed, he's having his quiet time. I am off the hook, so I'm not gonna keep popping in there and telling him to go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, because that's actually just going to [00:19:00] make him stay up longer.
So what I did is I just didn't go in there unless he cried for me, of course. And I just let him do his thing. And yeah, was I in my room like, oh my God, can he just go to sleep so that I can go to sleep? Because I can't go to sleep until I know he's asleep. So yeah, that part was annoying. But I just tried to let it go and let him do whatever he needed to do to figure out how to fall asleep
the first few days. He also continued to wake up crying in the middle of the night, though a couple times. So. Two or three times each night, he would wake up crying. I would wait to make sure, is he actually crying for me? Is he just rolling around and whining for a few minutes? I would make sure I wait like three to five minutes.
Is he gonna go back to sleep or is he actually saying like, mom, I need help. Or is he sitting up, is he looking at the door? In that case, I would go in, but if he's just sort of whining, rolling around, grabbing his lovey, making some noise, I am not going in. So some of the times I didn't have to go in. Some of the times I did pop in and just like [00:20:00] turn on his little ocean.
He sleeps with a little like baby Einstein Ocean. Sound machine sort of thing, or I'd tuck him in with his blanket or whatever it is, just to help him feel like I checked in on him and then I would leave and allow him , to go back to sleep. And for the most part, he went back to sleep quickly. Once I did that,
By day four, though, he started to nap more regularly. He took his nap. He started to fall asleep at bedtime much quicker. He slept all night long, no crying, which was amazing. So pretty quick progress, of course, here and there. Over the next week or so, there were times where he took longer to fall asleep for his nap, or took longer to fall asleep for bedtime.
But pretty much since day four, he slept through the night at least once. He's asleep. One thing I noticed after starting this as well is he started once we were maybe five or six days in, he started asking for more things at bedtime, sort of trying the stalling at bedtime and wanting me to come back in there and get him something or do something for him.
So this is a point where I had to make some [00:21:00] decisions on where to go from here, because this is where it can all start. If they once went to bed with their pacifiers easily, then you take them away and now every two minutes, they're asking for another hug. They're asking for more water, they're asking for.
You know, another kiss, another snuggle, another book, whatever it is, you really have to find a balance between meeting their needs. Like I knew this is something new for him. I didn't wanna just leave him high and dry. I'm okay with being flexible, but also I'm not gonna start this habit where I'm gonna check in 10 times before bed.
So, as I said, five or six days in, I noticed at bedtime I would leave and a couple minutes later he'd be like. Eh, I need something. I need something. And I would go in and I could tell he doesn't actually have something he needs. He's trying to think of it as I'm in there, like, okay, what could I say right now?
I need water. I need this, I need that. Um, you know, I need something. Sometimes he would end up saying, I need a sip of water. I need a monster truck, and I would do this. One time. I'm like, okay, I will get you a sip of water. But then after that. I'm going to go take a shower or I'm gonna go [00:22:00] brush my teeth or I'm gonna go get my pajamas on.
I would tell him a task that he can picture that he knows what I'm doing and I would say, I'm going to go do blank and I will be right back in a couple minutes to check on you. So regardless of whether he was sort of whining still or not, I would say, here's your sip of water, but we're not gonna get any more after this.
And now I'm gonna go take a shower and I'm gonna be back in a few minutes to check on you. And I would actually go take a shower. Then I would come back and check on him and I would say, okay, I was just checking on you. I love you, goodnight. And if he just was quiet and didn't whine, then I'd be like, I wouldn't say anything about coming back again.
But if he whines again, like, mom, mom, I'd be like, okay, now that I showered, I'm gonna go get on my pajamas and brush my teeth, and then I'm gonna go check in on you. And most nights, this took maybe two or three check-ins and then he would be okay. And that's definitely dissipated now that I've been more consistent about that.
The last couple nights I haven't had to go back in there. So that's one strategy you can use if you feel like all of the sudden they're [00:23:00] asking for this and that.
Okay. I feel like that was so much more long-winded than I wanted it to be.
I am sorry. I try to make these episodes as quick as possible and keep it under 30 minutes, which I think we're still at, which is good.
But I just wanted you to get a quick idea of how I tackled dropping the pacifier, some things that came up during the process, how I made sure to not start any new habits all of the sudden that I have to deal with now. And maybe this will help you better prepare for when you are ready to drop your toddler's pacifier.
So once again, thank you so much for being here. If you found this helpful, please consider leaving a five star rating or review. Any sort of feedback is helpful. If you're curious about the books or the Yoda or whatever, I got Calvin for dropping the pacifier.
Go ahead and head to the show notes. I've linked it all there.
I hope you have a lovely rest of your week, and I will chat to you next week. I.
