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[00:00:00] Welcome to this sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or a toddler sleeping well.
Hey everyone. I hope you're doing well. Happy Tuesday. Once again, I have work going on right outside of my window. I always forget to record this over the weekend instead of waiting until the week when the workers are back. So have a big old blanket over my head. I hope that helps a little bit. I don't know.
We'll see.
Hopefully you don't hear too much going on in the background
and the work should be done in the next couple weeks or so, so we don't need to contend with it for too much longer.
Today we are going to talk about the topic of laying your baby down, drowsy but awake.
We're gonna talk about those common questions like, isn't drowsy, but awake, supposed to be the secret to getting my baby to sleep through the night.
Aren't I supposed [00:01:00] to be laying my baby down? Drowsy but awake, quote unquote, right? Today we're gonna talk about what this phrase means, when it can work, why it can be actually pretty tricky at times, and when to just skip it altogether.
, let's start by defining drowsy but awake. And I'm putting that in quotes. I know you can't see me. Drowsy, but awake basically means laying your baby down in their bed. When they are nice and calm, their eyes are open. They're technically still awake. Maybe their eyes are starting to flutter, or they're having those like heavy, slow blinks, but they are not asleep, not yet.
So this is the moment when you should be laying your baby in their bed. If you're shooting for drowsy, but awake.
Why do you hear this often recommended by people? Well, for a few reasons. First, it can be a good stepping stone towards helping your baby learn to fall asleep completely independently, so it reduces that [00:02:00] dependence on feeding, rocking, or bouncing to fall asleep, it's starting to give your baby a little more independence when it comes to initiating sleep on their own in their bed.
You also hear it often recommended because in theory, it would support longer stretches of sleep because your baby is technically falling asleep in their sleep space. They start to associate their bed with falling asleep and not necessarily only your arms or your breast or the bottle or whatever they fall asleep with.
Another reason this can be recommended is it can help reduce the risk of your baby waking up as you try to transfer them into their bed when they're asleep. So. If you've ever rocked your baby to sleep and you try and transfer them into their bed just to have them wake up right when they hit the mattress, this can sort of help reduce that risk because your baby is falling asleep in their sleep space and we don't have this sort of transfer to contend with.
Okay. As much as this is [00:03:00] recommended, why is it actually really difficult sometimes when you're trying to implement it in real life? There's a few reasons for this. First of all, not all babies are going to respond well to it. Some are just not going to have that sort of chill temperament
where they can be laid calmly in their bed and they'll just drift off to sleep. Some are going to need that extra help calming down. Some babies are extra jerky babies who keep jerking themselves awake as they're trying to fall asleep. Some babies are more sensitive. Others it might be easier if they're adaptable and they're more go with the flow.
There's nothing wrong with any of these temperaments. These are just things that might make it harder or easier for some babies to fall asleep in their bed when laid down, drowsy, but awake.
Another reason it can feel tricky to implement is maybe you're making way too big of a jump trying to teach your baby to be laid down, drowsy, but awake. So for example, if you're going straight from. Only feeding your baby to sleep to all of a [00:04:00] sudden we're gonna try and lay them down drowsy, but awake.
They're most likely going to fight you on it. It's not going to be a super seamless, easy process.
Another reason it can feel tricky is your baby's age. So your baby's age definitely has something to do with how well it works. As your baby gets older, they are much more set in their ways. They are more stimulated by you and their surroundings. Laying them down, drowsy without them just like crying and reaching for you may feel really tricky.
Along those same lines, if you have a little, you know, one month old, they may not be ready to learn how to put themselves to sleep from drowsy but awake.
They may need a lot of help falling asleep and staying asleep, which is really, really normal and natural for that age.
Finally, drowsy but awake can feel confusing or frustrating for parents. Like how drowsy is too drowsy? Did I accidentally lay them down asleep? Are they not drowsy enough? Either you can't get it to work or you're getting it to work, but your baby's still taking 30 [00:05:00] minute naps and still waking every couple hours at night.
That can just lead to frustration and anxiety and confusion for parents.
Okay, so now that you've heard all that, I'm gonna share the 4 1 1 on drowsy but awake. I'm gonna give my straight up opinion about drowsy but awake when you can implement it and when I think you should just ditch it all together. In my professional opinion, drowsy, but awake can be a great tool in maybe the first handful of months.
If you have a baby that has a hard time transferring, so let's say you rock your three month old to sleep. You try and transfer them into the bassinet or crib. They wake up instantly as they sort of touch the mattress, and then you have to pick them back up and do it all over again.
In this instance, if baby was doing the falling asleep in their sleep space, we wouldn't even have that transfer to like contend with, right? , if they were to fall asleep in their bed, we wouldn't risk them waking up as we're trying to like lean over the crib or the bassinet and [00:06:00] gently place them in their bed, right?
So this is where it can be helpful .
Also, just because newborns are too young to sleep train doesn't mean we should never practice independent sleep. It's still a great idea to start placing your baby in their crib or bassinet as they're a newborn, even laying them down, awake or drowsy, giving them a few minutes and seeing what they can do.
These are little tiny things you can start to practice so that when you do move to independent sleep at four plus months old, things can go a lot smoother for you .
So I have a few tips for you if you'd like to try this with your newborn. Here's a few tips to help you make it work. First is, watch your newborn's wake, windows, and sleepy cues. Make sure you are not trying this if your baby is overtired, because it most likely won't work.
You'll really need to try this right at their sweet spot of being sleepy but not tired. Next, you'll want to implement a consistent wind down routine. So think about like 10 ish minutes before a nap. Take time to go into their room, dim the lights, lower your [00:07:00] voice, change their diaper.
Maybe put the sound machine on, snuggle and rock them until they're nice and calm. We really wanna set the tone during the nap time routine that sleep is coming. We wanna pick a few actions that we always do consistently that are nice and calming in the cue to our baby.
Like, Hey, sleep is coming soon.
Another thing you can do is give your baby some time. Lay your baby down. If they squirm or they grunt or they make noise, it's okay to wait for three to five minutes to see what they do before picking them up again. Sometimes we grab them and pick them up so quickly that we're actually disturbing their process of falling asleep.
Also, if you've never laid your baby down, drowsy but awake, start by practicing just once a day. You don't need to go all in. Your baby will get better with more practice, but no need to like overwhelm yourself by trying to change everything with your newborn on day one.
Finally, if it's not working, rock your baby to sleep. You cannot spoil a newborn. [00:08:00] Newborns are going to need lots of help falling asleep and staying asleep. They often need to be laid down, completely asleep. They need contact naps in order to sleep longer than 20 minutes. This is all just normal, so it's totally fine and great to practice independent sleep.
In the newborn months, it is okay to lay your baby down awake and give them a few minutes to see what they can do. This is a really great way to start to practice these skills you want them to have at 4, 5, 6 months old. But if you're like 10 minutes into trying this with your newborn, and they're getting frustrated and you're getting frustrated, and now they're getting overtired, forget it.
Pick them up, rock them to sleep, or pat them to sleep or whatever your baby likes.
So this is a really pretty much the only time I recommend drowsy but awake when you have a newborn and they're too young for sleep training, which is any baby under four months old is too young for sleep training, but you'd still like to practice giving them some independence.
You'd like to reduce the [00:09:00] risk of them waking up on that transfer into their bed. Once again, just keep in mind it is normal for newborns to need help falling asleep, and it's not going to work for every baby. If it doesn't work for your baby, that is okay. It is okay to rock or bounce or pat your baby to sleep.
The only thing I typically recommend steering away from is relying on feeding to sleep, and if you're curious about why I don't recommend that, then go back to episode five.
It's called, is it Okay to Feed My Baby to Sleep? I dive into that whole topic in that episode,
But before you go there, I wanna answer your question. Now that's probably popped up. Why don't I recommend drowsy but awake really any other time? Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing? Isn't this how you start the sleep training process? Well, my answer is no. If your baby is older than four months old and is being laid down drowsy, they are likely still gonna wake up 30 or 40 minutes into a nap [00:10:00] or maybe even like every two to three hours at night needing help to fall back asleep.
Why?
After about four months old, your baby is cycling through the same sleep stages that you cycle through. This can actually be a lot harder for them to do if they don't know how to do it independently. Cue the four month sleep regression, right? All of a sudden, they're taking short naps or they're waking up every two hours.
When as a newborn, they might have been able to sleep 5, 6, 7, 8 hours straight.
If your baby is getting help to fall asleep at the beginning of nap time or bedtime, they're likely to wake up in between sleep cycle transitions, 30 to 40 minutes into a nap, maybe two to three hours at night. Needing help to fall back asleep. If your baby's being laid down in their bed drowsy, they're technically relying on you to help them get to sleep because they may be doing the last part of falling asleep on their own, , but they're not doing the get nice and calm and super sleepy part on their own.
If they need to be laid in their bed [00:11:00] drowsy,
They may still wake up in between sleep cycles, wanting that same sort of help from you to help them get drowsy and sleepy.
So what do you do if your baby's older than four months old? Ditch drowsy, but awake altogether. What we want is for them to be awake when they go in their crib. Yes, awake. Of course, we want them to be sleepy, like it's nearing the end of their wake window. We've done a nice calming routine.
But we really want them to be laid down, awake so that they can do the sleep initiation completely on their own. This is going to set you up for better naps and nights.
If you're wondering how to do this, I have a plethora of options for you when it comes to resources to guide you through this process.
If you are a DIY person and you're like, I know my baby, I can figure this out. I just need a plan. Then I highly recommend you check out my four to 24 month sleep course. This is 20 plus videos that breaks this process down bit by bit, and we teach your baby how to fall asleep independently. How to nap for one to two hours on their [00:12:00] own.
How to cut unnecessary night wake-ups cups all while remaining tuned in and meeting your baby's needs.
If you would like access to the course, but you would also like access to send me your questions along the way, or come to my live calls or get some help from me as you implement your plan, then the Sleep by Alex membership is perfect for you. When you join the membership, you get instant access to the course, but you can also send me our questions any day, anytime for a quick response.
I also have five live video calls a month that you can come to to ask me your questions as well.
Finally, if you're like, I don't wanna watch a course, I just want to sit and talk to somebody about my specific baby one-on-one, just me and them, and get an individualized step-by-step plan sent to my email, then I highly recommend you schedule a consultation call.
For this situation, the basic support package is my most popular option, and I will walk you through every single step of the way.
If you're curious about any of these resources, all of the information is linked in the show notes.
I just wanna end by reassuring you that it's okay if you can't put your baby down drowsy but awake.
It [00:13:00] doesn't work for every baby, and honestly, it's not going to be the ticket to getting longer naps and nights anyways. , while it can be really helpful in the newborn months, it can get pretty tricky as your baby gets older and some newborns are just going to need to be rocked to sleep the entire first four months of their life.
Okay. And that is okay. Hang in there. You are doing amazing.
Once again, thank you for tuning in. If you found this helpful, I would really, really appreciate a five star review. Maybe share it with another mom friend.
And as always, let me know on Instagram at Sleep by Alex or at Sleep by alex podcast gmail.com. What topics do you want me to cover next? Thanks. Have a great week.
