pod ep 5 - feeding to sleep
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the Sleep by Alex podcast. I am a certified pediatric sleep consultant and a mom of three, and I will be bringing you quick science backed sleep advice to get you and your baby or toddler sleeping well
Hi everyone. Welcome back. First of all, just wanna say thank you for all the lovely congratulations I received last week when announcing at my fourth baby on the way. It's so nice to have like a little village around me, a support, so I'm really excited to bring you guys along that journey with me. For today's episode, we are covering a hot topic, and that is, is it okay to feed my baby to sleep?
Is it okay for my baby to be falling asleep while they're eating?
Babies naturally get sleepy while eating, especially when they're newborns. , but is it okay to feed your baby to sleep consistently? This can be a common thing people struggle with, and it can often [00:01:00] be an emotional topic for parents, especially breastfeeding mothers who enjoy the fact that their body is the main source of comfort and sleep for their baby.
So today we're gonna talk about why feeding to sleep even happens easily. The pros and cons of feeding to sleep, we'll get into the good, the bad, and the ugly. And then if you decide that you are ready to move away from feeding to sleep. At the end of this podcast, I will talk a little bit about how to move away from feeding to sleep if you decide you need a change.
Okay, so let's briefly talk about why babies fall asleep while they're eating. First of all, there's some biology behind it. Breastfeeding especially triggers sleep inducing hormones such as oxytocin, melatonin, and trytophan. These are things that are going to be triggered as your baby feeds, especially breastfeeding.
So naturally your baby is going to get calm and sleepy at some feets.
In addition to that, the sucking motion your baby is making on a bottle [00:02:00] or a breast or even a pacifier is very, very soothing and naturally calming for your baby. So those are kind of the biological reasons why your baby would get sleepy while they're feeding. Couple other reasons are because of the feeding environment and the time of day that you're feeding, maybe you are in the routine of always feeding right before a nap or right before bedtime.
At this time, your baby has. Already built up all that sleep pressure. They're already primed for sleep. They're probably a little bit tired in this case. Feeding is just going to really help them sort of bridge that gap and get from awake to asleep when they're already so tired. And then they have that sort of sleep inducing hormone sucking motion going on with all the sleep pressure.
In this case as well, feeding is often happening in a calm, dimly lit room, you know, right before they go to sleep. So it's ideal for them to fall asleep during that time. Another reason babies fall asleep while feeding is because [00:03:00] it's developmentally normal, especially in the newborn months. Newborns are super sleepy those first couple months.
Some of them barely have awake time and it's actually really hard to keep them awake while they feed. If you've had a newborn and some of you may have had a sleepy one, that you have to like undress them during the feed and keep them awake to try and get that full feed in. Those newborns are bound to fall asleep, especially by the end of a feed, and this is completely developmentally normal.
So what are the benefits of feeding to sleep?
There are of course benefits to feeding to sleep. This is why so many people are in this sort of rhythm and cycle. First of all, it can be a great little bonding moment with your baby. Your baby is nice and calm. You're looking into each other's eyes as they feed and get sleepy. Maybe you're getting some skin to skin in in that moment.
Breastfeeding, mothers and babies especially can feel attached to this moment because mom is using their body to calm their baby down. Of course bottle feeding [00:04:00] parents feel this bonding moment as well, but it can be an especially emotional attachment for those mothers who breastfeed to sleep.
Another pro to feeding to sleep is, it's often the easiest way to get babies to sleep in the early months. Like I said earlier, newborns are tired and sometimes they have a hard time Going from awake to asleep though and feeding can be a nice, calm, sleepy sort of activity that helps them fall asleep without so much crying or stress, it can be a pretty practical tool to use to help get your baby to sleep, especially those first few months.
Another reason feeding to sleep can be helpful is it can be a tool to use when your baby has something going on. Maybe they're going through a regression, maybe they're sick, and it's nice to have that way of helping them get to sleep easily and helping comfort them
when they are having these trickier moments.
So again, lots of reasons. You may enjoy feeding to sleep and it may completely work for you. Now I'm gonna move into the cons of feeding to sleep. And before I get into the [00:05:00] cons,
let me just start by saying it is not wrong to feed your baby to sleep. Every family and baby is different
as long as it's safe and age appropriate, there is really no wrong way to help your baby to sleep. If feeding to sleep works for you, you enjoy it. You're happy with how sleep looks, then please continue to do so. In a little bit. We're gonna talk about maybe some science to look for that.
Oh, maybe it's no longer working for me, so stick around for that. But no, it is not wrong. If you enjoy it and you like the way sleep is going, please continue to do so. But if you are curious about the cons of feeding to sleep or kind of what may be down the road for you,
here are some of the cons of feeding to sleep.
So one tricky aspect of feeding to sleep is if your baby falls asleep in the middle of a feed, they might not be taking a full feed in before passing out. And what this can lead to is wanting to eat more frequent. Smaller [00:06:00] snacks all day long rather than like a nice full feed every two to three hours.
And you may think that your baby's still getting the same amount of milk in a 24 hour period, but a baby on a snacking habit all day. And what I mean by that is maybe they feed for a tiny bit here and then 45 minutes later they feed for a little bit more, and then maybe an hour later they feed a little bit more, and then maybe 30 minutes later, a little bit more.
In a 24 hour period, they may get the same amount of milk as a baby who feeds a full feed every two to three hours, but baby is on that snacking habit. Almost always struggle with shorter naps and frequent night wake up. It's just something I see all the time with people that come to me.
Your baby may be so used to feeding small feeds very frequently that it's hard for them to get a nap that's longer than 30 or 45 minutes, or it's hard for them to sleep more than two hours at a time at night. So that can be one reason why feeding to [00:07:00] sleep can be tricky. Another con for feeding to sleep is it can actually become hard to distinguish between hunger and when your baby just needs comfort and help falling asleep.
If you're using feeding for comfort and hunger, it can be tricky to understand like, does my baby just want to feed right now for comfort? Are they actually hungry? It can just become a little bit confusing.
Another reason feeding to sleep might not work for you is it can start to feel unsustainable. For some parents, this may look something like you've got your baby in your arms, you feed them to sleep, you lay them down in their bed, just for them to wake up quickly after. And then your only option is really popping them back on the breast or bottle to try and get them to go back to sleep even though they just ate.
This can feel really frustrating and make it hard for you or your baby to get restorative rest. If the primary way they get to sleep is through feeding any [00:08:00] of those little moments, they wake up. Even if they're not hungry, we're needing to like try and feed them again just to get them to fall back asleep.
So that can feel really tricky. It can also start to feel unsustainable, especially if you're a breastfeeding mother and you're the only person that can put your baby to sleep. Yes, it can feel super special and empowering and bonding, being the one thing that can put your baby to sleep. Believe me, I know that feeling.
I have three kids. I know how wonderful and how I feel like a superwoman when I am the one that can comfort my kids. But when you are the only option when it comes to sleeping for your child, it can become very hard for you to have any time or space to fill your own cup.
Like, just think about it. Can you go out to dinner with friends one night? Can you leave your baby for a couple hours to run errands on your own? Can your partner at home take over a little bit? Can your partner take a load off of you here and there? Put the baby to bed so you can go take a shower. [00:09:00] Being a good mother does not mean being a martyr.
Really, if you're someone that's feeling stuck or burned out by this routine, I actually argue you'll be a better mother when you don't feel trapped in this cycle.
Another thing that can happen when you rely on feeding to sleep is some babies can start to reverse cycle. So if feeding is the only way you can get your baby back to sleep in the middle of the night, you may find you're feeding your baby every 90 minutes, every two hours all night long, and they may end up actually taking more frequent feeds in the night than they do during the day and when they get a majority of their calories at night.
This is called reverse cycling. This can be something we don't want to happen because then your baby may continue waking frequently at night because they need most of their calories at that time, and they're not getting most of their calories in during the day. So of course they're gonna wake up because their bodies are telling them, Hey, hey, we need more calories in order to grow.
We really want it to be the other way around for better sleep. We want them getting [00:10:00] a majority of their calories during the day, and yes, some at night as well.
And finally that brings us to our biggest con, in my eyes at least, is babies can eventually become reliant on feeding to fall asleep. As I said earlier, some families are totally fine with this. Some people are happy with their baby relying on feeding to fall asleep. However, many families who come to me and are currently feeding to sleep.
Well tell me that their baby isn't able to nap longer than like 30, maybe 40 minutes on their own. Their baby is waking frequently at night, sometimes every one, two or three hours, relying on a feed to get back to sleep. Each of those times. This is really, really normal for a baby who relies on feeding to fall asleep because as your baby falls asleep while feeding at bedtime or at Naptime.
They're naturally going to, in the middle of the night, come up out of a sleep cycle transition or after a [00:11:00] short nap come up out of a sleep cycle transition, and they're going to wake up and most likely need that same sort of support or help to fall back asleep. So this is one of the biggest reasons your baby may be waking frequently or taking short naps if they're feeding to sleep.
So when and why do you move away from feeding to sleep? Like what are some signs that might be telling you it's time to make a change? So some signs might be, like I talked about, maybe frequent night, wake up if your baby is up every hour, two hours, three hours, and you can't seem to get them to sleep much longer than that, or your nights are super unpredictable.
And you are ready for some consistent rest, then that could be a reason you wanna move away from feeding to sleep. Maybe you're stuck in that sort of cycle where your baby literally will not nap without feeding. That might be a reason you would wanna move away from it because you need your baby to have other ways to fall asleep at nap time that don't involve feeding.
And of course, I touched on this briefly, but another reason you might feel ready maybe [00:12:00] your baby will only nap for like 20 or 30 minutes at a time, and you are ready to get on a more consistent nap routine with your baby, where they can nap one to two hours on their own.
That can be a reason to wanna move away from feeding to sleep. Maybe you're just feeling exhausted or stuck or burnt out. You don't even have enough sleep or breaks yourself to be a patient tuned in. Caregiver. It doesn't feel like you could continue with your current sleep situation for the foreseeable future.
So those are some of the main reasons you might think in your head, Hmm, is it time for me to move away from feeding to sleep
Also anytime after four months old, many babies can start to learn other ways to fall asleep. They can start to learn to fall asleep without needing to be fed or rocked or padded. You don't need to be stuck in this cycle, the sweet spot to teach independent sleep, and the easiest time to do it is between four and six months, but it's absolutely never too late.
If you are even [00:13:00] thinking about teaching independent sleep or moving away from feeding, the sooner the better. If your baby is older than six months
let me just emphasize, there is no pressure to move away from feeding to sleep. You don't need to move away from it at all. If you are not ready, you can absolutely wait as long as you would like , and move away from it when you are ready.
Okay, so now let's say you've decided, yes, I'm ready to start that shift away from feeding to sleep. What are my options here? How do I do this? My baby will only fall asleep while feeding. Like, what do you mean? I just don't feed them and they just never sleep. Well, here's some things you can do. First, you're gonna wanna start feeding earlier in your routine.
You're gonna wanna move feeds away from nap time and bedtime. It's okay to feed before a nap and before bed, but let's get it like at least 20 minutes before they're going to go down. Make it the first thing you do. In the routine, the lights are still on. We are not in the nursery. We're really keeping them awake.
We're making this not a sleepy [00:14:00] time. Then go ahead with the rest of your routine. So maybe you feed first in the living room, and then you move into their room. You dim the lights, you put on pajamas, you read a book, you cuddle, and then you put them to sleep. If you have a baby that's like four months old and younger, and they're really only awake 60 to 90 minutes at a time, an eat place sleep routine works really well for moving away from feeding to sleep, so
offering your baby a feed when they wake up from a nap, and then having a little bit of wake time and then using other methods to get your baby to sleep. If they're a newborn, you can use the five S's that is swaddle, side, sway, shush, and suck. These are things that are gonna help your baby fall asleep , that does not include feeding.
So once again, for a baby who's really awake 90 minutes or less at a time, it is super helpful to avoid feeding to sleep by having to feed the first thing of the wake window. And then if they need a nap an hour later, they've already gotta feed an hour ago. [00:15:00] They shouldn't be hungry. And you can use those five s's to get them to fall asleep at bedtime.
Offer other sleep associations for your baby. Start to use white noise if you aren't already. . If your baby's old enough for a comfort object or a lovey, start to introduce that. Have a consistent routine and sleep space for your baby
that include other things outside of the feed.
Now, if your baby is older than four months old, your most important step towards longer naps and more consistent sleep at night is teaching your baby to fall asleep on their own rather than feeding to sleep. There are many ways to go about this. There are gradual ways where you still help your baby fall asleep, but you're releasing some of that support gradually over a period of time.
There are also more accelerated ways that involve laying your baby down, awake right away on day one, and teaching them to self-soothe quickly. As I've said before, if you've been around for a few episodes, there are so many ways to go about it. The most important thing is finding which method jives with you and your baby's temperament and feels sustainable for you and [00:16:00] doable for you.
I teach the Peaceful Sleeper Method, which in my experience has been the most sustainable method out there, and I've used different ones on all my babies. We are never using a one size fits all approach. I give you four different methods to choose from, depending on if you wanna be in the room or you wanna be outside of the room.
We can also tweak these four methods when you work with me over the phone or in the membership to really dial it down and make it perfectly fit your family. You can keep night feeds while implementing this method. You don't need to drop all contact naps right away. . You learn how to be consistent with sleep boundaries, yet flexible and tuned into your baby's needs.
If this is something that interests you, now is the perfect time. If you're ready to move away from feeding to sleep or even rocking to sleep or co-sleeping, anything like that, I am having my biggest and really one of my only sales of the whole year for Mother's Day this week. US moms deserve the world and we especially deserve sleep so that we [00:17:00] can be the patient loving moms we aim to be. That is why this is my favorite time of year to do this big sale because I want all of you to have access to better rest and realize how life changing it is to have consistent sleep for you and your baby.
So from right now until Sunday, mother's Day, May 11th at midnight, you can receive 40% off all of my courses and guides. That's gonna include my newborn guide and my four to 24 months sleep learning course, 40% off. You won't see this any other time of the year. If you wanna work one-on-one with me over the phone, you can receive 20% off a phone consultation package.
Finally, you can also receive 50% off your sleep by Alex membership. For life, not just your first month for life. So as long as you stay in the membership, your monthly price is going to be 50% off. And in the membership, that's where you get the combo of being [00:18:00] able to access all of the courses and guides while also coming to my live calls, sending me your questions as often as you want, getting some guidance that way while implementing a plan.
So if any of this interests you, I would head over to my website. Now I've linked it all in the show notes. Once again, you have until Mother's Day, Sunday, five 11 at midnight to use any of these discounts.
Just to recap, feeding to sleep is a natural thing that happens, especially in the newborn months. If feeding to sleep works for you, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. If you feel like you're relying on feeding to sleep , and you're struggling with feeling stuck in this cycle, you're struggling with frequent night, wake up, maybe short naps, this is when you may consider moving away from it.
Every baby and family is different. You know what feels good for your baby and family, and you don't need to be pressured to do anything you don't wanna do. I invite you to reach out to me for support. Check out these resources. I've got you every step of the way. Sometimes all [00:19:00] we really need is someone in our corner to hear about our sleep situation and get us some advice quickly.
Thank you so much for being here and listening. I hope this gave you some quick tips and advice on feeding to sleep. If you feel like this was helpful, I would greatly appreciate you leaving a rating or a review.
And subscribing to the podcast. Every single download and review means the world to me. Alright guys, see you next week.
