The Perfect Bedtime Routine

Wondering what you should include in your bedtime routine to ensure the best possible sleep for you and your baby?

Believe it or not, there really is no “perfect” bedtime routine. 

The best bedtime routine is one that you can consistently implement every day. You’ll want to pick a few actions that you can sustainably keep up with each day. Those actions are going to cue to your baby that sleep is coming. 

Ok, there may be no “perfect” bedtime routine. But there are some things that can be beneficial to include in your evening wind-down routine. To be clear, you do not need to include all of these tasks in your bedtime routine. These are just some ideas to pull from. Choose at least a few tasks you could implement consistently.

Consistent Timing:

Implementing bedtime around the same time each day is going to make it easier for your baby to quickly settle into sleep. Of course, our babies are not robots and each day may look a little different. “Consistent” doesn’t need to look like the same exact time each night. I usually recommend keeping bedtime within a plus or minus 30 minute range. For example, if your baby’s bedtime is typically around 7:00 pm, you will want to aim for it to land somewhere between 6:30-7:30 pm. 

This does mean you may want to wake your baby up from their last nap by a certain time so they can have an adequate wake window while also getting to sleep within their bedtime range.

What time should my baby go to bed?

There is not one perfect bedtime for all babies and families. It is going to depend on your schedule, your baby’s sleep needs, and the time your baby starts their day. For the most part, babies will do well with a bedtime landing within these ranges:

0-3 Months: 9:00-11:00 pm

4+ Months: 6:00-8:00 pm

Tone Down Stimulation

Babies can be easily overstimulated. This can make it hard for them to fall asleep at bedtime, even if you have figured out their perfect wake window before bed. Toning down the mood before bed can help make it easier for your baby or toddler to fall asleep. 

The first thing you can do is turn off screens 1-2 hours before bedtime. Screen time in the evening can negatively impact your baby or toddler’s ability to fall asleep easily. 

As bedtime approaches, dim the lights, turn off screens, turn down music, and start to tone down the type of play your child is engaging in.

Bath

A warm bath is a wonderful way to signal to your baby that bedtime is approaching. The warm water can help soothe and calm your baby’s body. A bath can also be helpful for a baby who is getting fussy (or is experiencing witching hours). 

When taking a warm bath, your baby’s body temperature increases slightly. When they come out of the bath, your baby’s body temperature will gradually decline. This decrease in temperature has a calming effect and signals to your baby’s body to prepare for sleep.

As a reminder, you do not need to bathe your child every night before bed. With my first baby, I was convinced there was no way he would sleep without a warm bath. We did it every single night because it worked and we had the time and energy to do so. By the third baby, he was lucky if he got a bath once every 4-5 days! Haha. Do what feels sustainable and works for your family.

Massage

Massage can be a very beneficial activity to include in your bedtime routine. First, massage can help your baby on a chemical level. Massage is going to help relieve tension, stimulate the release of serotonin, and reduce cortisol levels. Massage can also be a nice way to provide your baby with some extra sensory input before bed (especially helpful for those super jerky babies who startle themselves awake frequently). 

Next, massage is a great way to get some extra skin-to-skin time in with your baby. This type of interaction can increase the bond between you and your child and help your baby have positive associations with bedtime.

Finally, massage can help with tummy troubles as well. If your baby struggles with gas or constipation, tummy massage can help get the gas or poop moving.

Feed

A feed is an important thing to include in your baby's bedtime routine. A full tummy will help your baby relax and fall asleep easier. Getting them one last feed before bed will hopefully help you get at least a few hours of sleep before they wake up hungry. Sucking also has a natural soothing effect for babies. Whether they are breastfed or bottle fed, the action of sucking can help them relax and calm down for bed.

One way a bedtime feed can impact your nights negatively is if your baby learns to rely on the feed to fall asleep. Babies who rely on feeding to sleep often struggle with frequent night wake ups and short naps. If your baby relies on the feed to fall asleep and you are unhappy with how your nights look, try moving the feed to the very beginning of the bedtime routine. Offer the feed outside of the bedroom before you dim the lights and start the rest of the bedtime routine. Do your best to keep your baby awake during the feed, then proceed with the rest of the routine. Not sure exaclty how to move away from feeding to sleep? We can do this together.

If your baby relies on feeding to sleep and you are satisfied with how sleep looks, you don't need to change a thing!

White noise

Turning on a sound machine during the bedtime routine can help signal to your baby that sleep is on the horizon. The womb was noisy! Your baby heard the loud sound of your blood rushing by 24/7. White noise can help mimic the sound your baby heard inside of your body.

White noise can also help block out outside noises that may wake your baby up (neighbors, siblings, pets, traffic, etc). 

If you choose to use a sound machine, be sure to implement this in a safe way. Keep your baby’s sound machine set at the lowest effective volume (not over 50 decibels, like the sound of a running shower). The sound machine should be at least 7 feet away from your baby’s head. The white noise will work best if it is placed in between your baby and the sound you are trying to block out.

Books and songs

Books and songs are some of the most beneficial actions you can include in your baby’s bedtime routine. First of all, songs and books in a calm and soothing voice will help your baby or toddler relax before bed. The days are busy! Reading and singing before bed can give you and your baby a moment to bond through cuddles, eye contact, and social interactions. Finally, reading and singing to your baby is going to help promote their language skills, vocabulary, and communication skills.

Remember, you don't need to do all of these activities every single night. If you have time and want to, great! But if not, just pick a few that you can implement consistently in the same order. A bedtime routine is ideally at least 15-20 minutes (with a maximum of around 30-45 minutes).

Do you have the "perfect" bedtime routine but your baby still needs you to rock them to sleep? Or your baby still isn't sleeping well?

You may be wondering when you will be able to lay your baby down awake at the end of your bedtime routine and allow them to fall asleep on their own. For babies 0-3 months old, it is normal to still need to rock them to sleep before laying them down for bed. Newborns cannot learn to self-soothe consistently yet. While you can practice laying them down awake and drowsy and giving them a few minutes to see what they are capable of, you should rock them to sleep if they need it. 

What about babies 4+ months? 

If you are rocking your baby to sleep after 4 months old and you are happy with how your nights and naps look, there is no need to change a thing! Enjoy the cuddles and rock that baby for however long is sustainable for you. 

If you are rocking your 4+ month old to sleep and you are experiencing frequent night wake ups, short naps, or a hard time getting your baby to sleep, I have a solution for you! You can actually now teach your baby to fall asleep completely independently at the end of your bedtime routine. This is the first step towards more consolidated nights and longer independent naps. Wondering how to do this? I lay out the process step-by-step here.